


(This Territory Goes) Uncharted

by BoomquieshaJ



Series: Welcome To The New Age [3]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Sidney Crosby is dumb, So dumb, and there is also a blowjob scene, because there will always be a blowjob scene, but he has people to help him not be dumb bless them, soooo dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:31:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoomquieshaJ/pseuds/BoomquieshaJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sid has done some pretty foolish things in his life, and he knows that trying to keep Geno, trying to keep himself,  from having this will result among the worst of them. He feels incredibly lucky that he has people in his life, that he has Mario and his mother and Colby, to be there to help him when he’s too far in his own head to see the error of his ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(This Territory Goes) Uncharted

**Author's Note:**

> How did I become the guy who writes mpreg?
> 
> I typically blame Allie for everything, but this is most definitely her fault. One night in August, I was intoxicated and Allie said something about mpreg and I said something along the lines of "don't tempt me, i've done this before" to which she replied "i know." Five months later, here we are.
> 
> No but forreal this fic would not exist if not for Allie and also wouldn't be what it is without her, since she graciously offered to beta for me, fixing my words and giving me ideas when I was in need. Endless gratitude to you, my friend.
> 
> Thanks, also, to the hockey side of my timeline on Twitter for cheering me on and being patient with me as I churned this thing out. I appreciate you all so much.
> 
> Title comes from the song "Uncharted" by Sara Baraeilles.

For the first time in the thirteen years since he started in the NHL, Sid isn’t looking forward to end of summer. Not that he isn’t excited to get back to training, to playing, but this is the first time in his life that he really feels like he’s sacrificing to go back.

To the untrained eye, it seems as if Sid has made nothing but sacrifices in the name of hockey all his life, but not having a relatively normal social life, or being able to go to high school with the friends he grew up with, or having any relationship at all never felt like sacrifices to Sid. They were just things he had to do to get to where he is today, to be the Captain of one of the best teams in the NHL, to be considered one of the best to ever play the game.

But now, waking up with Geno on the last day of the summer break before camp starts, Sid feels the weight of everything he’s giving up in the arms wrapped around his waist, in the hot breath tickling the back of his neck.

It started at the beginning of the offseason, though Sid doesn’t remember the exact date or anything. It’s not the kind of thing that has an anniversary that you remember, there was no sunny Sunday afternoon alone together in the park when Sid looked over at Geno and realized that he was the one. It just happened one night, not long after the Penguins got knocked out in game six of the Eastern Conference Finals.

Sid and Geno spent the day together, doing a lot of nothing, mostly just keeping each other occupied as they both avoided the packing they’d have to do so Geno could make his way back to Magnitogorsk, and Sid to Cole Harbour. It was the end of the night and Geno was making moves to get ready to leave, and it caused a stirring, uncomfortable feeling in Sid’s gut that, admittedly, he’d felt before, but chose to ignore. This time though, it was stronger, and he didn’t think that he could ignore it any longer. Sid walked Geno to the door like he usually did, but instead of saying goodbye and allowing Geno to pull him for a hug, he took hold of Geno’s hand, stared him in the eyes, and simply said “Stay.” Geno didn’t hesitate to step back into Sid’s foyer, to turn him around and back him up against his own front door and close the gap between them until there was just centimeters.

“Why you want me to stay, Sid?” Geno asked, staring into Sid’s eyes just as intensely.

“I just. I just do,” Sid said.

“Okay,” Geno said, his breath hot against Sid’s lips, before meeting them with his own.

That was that, really. They didn’t hesitate. There was no shyness between them like there might have been if it had happened five or six years before. Once it became apparent what they both wanted, neither of them felt the need to be coy about getting it- they had sex that night, and almost every night after that. They allowed so much tension to build between them for so many years that once it was released, it refused any attempt to contain it anymore.

That’s not to say that they were at all irresponsible or unprofessional. They still made sure that they kept up with their training, and they took a couple of weeks away from each other to visit with their families. They made it work, and that’s all they could ask of each other.

They’ve come to the end of the road though, with training camp starting soon, and the season right after that. No matter how altered Sid has been by these months with Geno, one thing will remain the same: the nine months from October to June will belong to the Pittsburgh Penguins. After the initial daze of finally giving into what both of them had apparently wanted for years wore off, Sid started to worry about how them being together would affect everything. He didn’t trust himself not to get distracted by being more worried about Geno than he was about himself as far as his health and safety went. Geno already had enough of a problem as it was when it came to anyone laying a hand on Sid, and Sid didn’t want that to get any worse either.

More so than even that, Sid worried about how having the captain dating a member of the team would affect the team dynamic. Of the many things that Sid has to be proud of his team for, high on that list is the strong feeling of trust and camaraderie among its members, and Sid didn’t want to be responsible for anything that might throw that off kilter.

“So maybe we just keep it secret,” Geno says when Sid voices his concerns. “We don’t tell the team, they don’t find out. Is all okay.”

“I don’t think that’ll work, Geno,” Sid says.

“It work just fine til now.”

“I know,” Sid admits. “But that’s because everyone is off doing their own thing. Once everyone is back, and we’re spending all of our time together, it’ll be impossible for them not to find out about us.”

“You don’t want to try?” Geno asks, sadness starting to creep into his tone.

“I just don’t want to risk it,” Sid says.

“Is not worth it to you,” Geno says, not questioning, his voice definitely thick with grief now.

“Geno, please,” Sid says, pulling Geno’s arms around him. “It’s not that, please don’t think that. Just, try to understand where I’m coming from.”

“I understand, Sid,” Geno tells him, removing his arms from around Sid. “I understand you are still same boy from ten years ago who only cares about hockey. I think maybe you grow up, Sid, maybe me and you together will change your mind. I think wrong.”

“Geno--”

“Is okay Sid,” Geno says. “I just take what I can get.” That bothers Sid more than anything, because it really is worth it to him. He’s just not sure that it would be worth it to Geno. Geno may want to be with Sid now, while he has hockey to keep him in Pittsburgh, to keep them together. But Sid knows Geno, so he knows that, more than anything, Geno wants to make his home in Russia eventually, when hockey is over for him. That’s where his parents are, his brother, and Sid is certain that’s where Geno wants to start his own family. Sid’s not going to get in the way of that, and letting Geno go now is definitely going to be easier than doing so in five or however many years they still have together.

Waking up, though, on what has to be the last day for them, Sid feels it. Sid feels the weight of what he’s giving up, and it scares him. It scares him because for the first time he’s starting to realize that he is losing more than strong arms holding him while he sleeps, more than soft lips kissing him goodnight and good morning. Sid is losing more than just a lover, he’s losing a companion, someone to play video games with into the dead of night, someone to cuddle (and what a shock it was to both of them to discover that Sid actually enjoys it) with and watch movies, to try out new recipes with. Sid may have come to terms with the consequences of his decisions, but he’s not so selfish that he would even think to ask Geno to maybe continue to do all of those things with him without there being any romantic attachment. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them, and it wouldn’t make any sense to try anyhow.

It’s at the point, though, where the weight of it all is just shy of crushing, and Sid is almost tempted to wake Geno up and tell him that he’s willing to try if Geno is. It doesn’t take long, however, for Sid to come back to his senses and remember that he’s giving this up for a very good reason.

With renewed resolve, Sid releases himself from Geno's hold for what is probably the last time, and drags himself to the bathroom to start his morning routine. He spends his time in the shower trying to psyche himself up for the day ahead in order to take his mind off of how much he's hurting.

"This is still worth it," Sid tells himself. "This will always be worth it."

Geno is gone when he comes out of the bathroom.

***

Training Camp and the preseason both pass relatively uneventfully. He and Geno don't talk at all, they don't hang out, but that's not completely out of the norm for this time of year. While everyone is generally excited to see each other, the weeks leading up to the preseason are spent making sure they get into the best possible shape for the season, and for the rookies, earning a spot on the team. It’s not until the team’s bonding trip that year that anyone takes notice of the distance between Sid and Geno.

“Everything good with you and Geno?” Nealer asks him during a break on their second day.

“Uh, yeah,” Sid says.

“You sure?” Nealer asks, clearly skeptical. “Because you guys haven’t seemed like yourselves all preseason, and you haven’t spent any time together since we got up here.”

“I’ve been trying to spread my time evenly, getting to know the rookies, you know?”

“Yeah, sure man,” Nealer says, still not fully believing Sid. “Look, I normally wouldn’t bother you about this, you know that. And it wouldn’t even make much of a difference that you and Geno weren’t speaking or whatever, but he’s been looking pretty upset.”

“Well did you ask _him_ what’s wrong with him?” Sid asks defensively.

“Of course I did, dude chill,” Nealer says. “He didn’t say anything.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Literally nothing,” Nealer tells him. “He just looked really sad, like _really_ sad, you know? So I left him alone.”

“I don’t know what you want me do,” Sid says, still defensive.

“I’m not accusing you of anything, Sid, I just want to know what’s up with my friend. Could you at least talk to him?” Nealer asks. “I don’t know what he’s going through, but I can bet that you guys not talking isn’t making it any better on him.”

“You’re right, Nealer, I’m sorry. I’ll talk to him,” Sid says.

“Cool, thanks man.”

That evening after dinner as everyone is going off to spend a little free time, Sid asks Geno if they can talk and Geno agrees seemingly reluctantly.

“What you want Sid?”

“I, uh, just wanted to check on you,” Sid tells him. “Is everything okay?”

“What you think? We don’t talk for all of preseason, Sid. You act like we not even friends,” Geno says heatedly.

“It’s not like you’ve made an effort to talk to me,” Sid says. “After you disappeared from my house that first morning of camp without saying anything, I assumed you didn’t want to talk to me. I was trying to give you space.”

“Maybe I don’t like space,” Geno says. “I…” he starts.

“What?”

“Maybe shouldn’t say.”

“Just say it, Geno.”

“I miss you, Sid,” Geno says defeatedly.

“I, yeah,” Sid says. “Yeah, me too, Geno. Of course I do. Please don’t think that because we can’t...you know, that it means we can’t still be friends. I always want us to be friends, Geno, I just didn’t think it was fair to ask that of you.”

“At first, I don’t think I can do it,” Geno tells him. “But I think that we can be friends, Sid. Even if I still want more.” Sid is taken back at first by Geno’s frankness, but tries not to let it show. Sid still wants Geno, of course he does. He struggles with it every day, but he can never say it out loud, and certainly not to Geno. It would weaken his resolve, and he...just can’t.

“I want us to be friends, Geno,” Sid repeats. It’s the only one of his feelings he’s allowed to express without ruining everything.

“Okay, Sid.”

***

Things get better from there, as far as Sid and Geno’s friendship goes. They don’t spend any one-on-one time together. They both agree without actually discussing it that it wouldn’t be a good idea, but hanging out with the guys after games and practices is pretty much exactly as it’s always been. They fall back into a good rhythm with each other that doesn’t exactly resemble the way it was before the offseason, but is as close as Sid can ask for considering the circumstances.

Hockey, on the other hand, is awful in a way that Sid has never experienced in the twenty or so years that he’s been playing. He’s had his fair share of dry spells, of course, everyone has, and that’s not what’s bothering him, it’s only two weeks into the season after all. It’s his overall sluggishness that concerns him, and the coaching staff, the most. He’s more tired after games than he’s ever been and isn’t moving on the ice as smoothly as he used to, like his own body is too heavy for him to carry, and it’s been resulting in some pretty hard hits. Sid refuses to believe that it’s because of his age, because thirty-one is _not_ old no matter what Taylor may say.

After a particularly grueling practice that leaves Sid more worn out and achy than he’s ever been, he decides that enough is enough and goes to see the team doctor.

Dr. Harner greets Sidney warmly when he enters his office at Consol, shaking his hand and gesturing him to take a seat.

“Dan told me to expect you,” Dr. Harner tells him. “Haven’t been feeling like yourself lately, huh?”

“Uh, yeah,” Sid says.

“Care to elaborate?”

“I just,” Sid starts, “I’ve been feeling off. Tired all the time, and it’s starting to show on the ice. I’m not moving as fast as I know I can.”

“Well you’re not twenty-two anymore,” the doctor says absently as he fiddles around on his computer, presumably pulling up Sidney’s file.

“Yeah but that’s not it,” Sid says, borderline whining. “I was perfectly fine during camp and the preseason. This has only been since right after the season started, and it wasn’t gradual either. Like all of the sudden I’m too tired to even hold myself up sometimes.”

“Have been putting on any weight?” Dr. Harner asks without preamble.

“A couple of pounds here and there, but I haven’t been too worried about it,” Sid tells him.

“Any nausea?”

“No,” Sid says. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Let me be frank with you Sidney. Your sexuality is obviously not a secret within the organization, and it says here in your file that your body is compatible for Male Gestation.”

“I’m not pregnant,” Sidney says.

“There’s only one way to be sure of that,” Dr. Harner says. “Have you been sexually active, particularly in the offseason?”

“I am _not_ pregnant,” Sid insists, this time very clearly whining.

“Please just answer my, admittedly very personal, question, Sidney,” Dr. Harner asks firmly. “I can’t help you unless you help me.”

“Yes,” Sidney admits reluctantly.

“Okay, then. Now regardless of whether or not you were safe, to put it frankly: shit happens,” the doctor tells him. “I encourage you to take a test. I can administer it for you, if you like, but if you’d rather do it privately, that’s your decision.”

“Thanks, doctor,” Sidney says, rising from his seat. “I’ll, uh, I’ll do it myself.”

***

Except another two weeks pass into the season and Sid still has not taken a pregnancy test. Things haven’t gotten any better, he’s still tired, but he’s pushing himself hard to not let it show on the ice, even getting his first goal of the season in a game against the Capitals.

Sid’s not going to lie to himself: he is terrified. He knows that if he takes a test and it shows that he is in fact pregnant, it will not just affect his life, but the rest of the team’s, not to mention Geno’s. He’s just not ready to have to deal with that.

He’s forced to make a decision, however, when during a game in the fourth week of the season Sid is boarded hard by a ‘Canes D-man and suffers an upper-body injury and is taken in to see Dr. Harner after being walked off the ice.

“I assume that the test came back negative,” Dr. Harner says while he’s examining Sid.

“Why do you say that?” Sid asks nervously.

“Because it’s been two weeks since you came to see me and you’ve been playing and practicing like normal,” the doctor replies, fixing Sid with a stern look. “Sidney, you’ve taken a pregnancy test, right?”

“No,” Sidney says, feeling chastened like a child caught playing video games when he should’ve been doing his homework.

“Sidney,” the doctor says, sighing exasperatedly. “I understand that this may be difficult but you’ve got to find out one way or the other. If you’re not, then we can figure out what else might be wrong with you and work from there. If you are, well then, we’ll cross that bridge.”

“I can’t be pregnant. I just, I can’t. You understand, right?”

“I understand that hockey is just as important to you now as it always has been,” Dr. Harner says. “But you need to understand that it’s not the end of the world if you are.” When Sid looks skeptical at that, the doctor goes on, “There are alternatives. You have options.”

Sid makes a face like he’s been burned at the weight in the word ‘options.’ As firmly as Sid does not want to be pregnant, if it turns out that he is, he just can’t see himself choosing the alternative that he thinks that Dr. Harner has in mind.

“If that’s the case, Sidney,” Dr. Harner starts, correctly interpreting Sid’s reaction, “then we really need to find out so you can start getting the proper care. Do I have your consent to give you a pregnancy test?”

Sid just nods, rendered speechless from the fear of what he’s about to find out.

***

Sidney leaves Consol in a daze and it isn’t until he’s pulling up to the gate that he realizes he drove to Mario’s house on autopilot instead of his own. He makes his way up the drive to the main house, feeling more and more sick as he goes, but he knows why his body brought him here while his mind was absent. If there’s anyone who needs to know about this as soon as possible, it’s Mario. His body, still running on autopilot apparently, takes him past the main house, though, and he parks his car in front of the guest house that he used to call home. Mario and Nathalie have made a point to never change the locks on the guest house, so the key that Sid keeps on his key ring next to his own house key still works. The decor of the guest house has changed, but not so drastically that Sid can’t make his way to his old room by muscle memory even in the dark. He doesn’t realize how tired he is until he makes it to his room and the weight of all of the physical exhaustion from pushing himself past his limits, and the emotional exhaustion of dealing with the knowledge that he is in fact carrying Geno’s child, falls on him and he collapses on the bed.

***

Sid is shaken awake the next morning by a firm hand, the smell of coffee, and a familiar voice in his ear.

“Sidney,” Mario says. “Wake up.”

“Huh?” Sidney mumbles, disoriented, but not so much that he doesn’t still reach pathetically in the direction the scent of coffee is wafting from. Mario takes pity on him, placing the coffee in his hand. Sid accepts it gratefully, sitting up in his bed and takes a sip. He’s taken a second sip before the events from the day before come rushing back to his memory. Not wanting to make a scene and spit the coffee out, which was his first inclination, he swallows the sip he already started and sets the cup down on his bedside table. “Thanks Mario.”

“What’s going on, Sidney?” Mario asks, after it’s clear that Sid is awake enough to hold an actual conversation. “No one heard from you after the game last night, and it’s not like you told me you were coming here, which isn’t like you at all. Did you at least see Chris Harner?”

“Yeah, I saw him,” Sid says.

“Well, what did he say?” Marios presses. “You looked pretty rattled when you left the ice.”

“Just some upper-body bruising,” Sid says simply.

“What do you mean ‘just’?” Mario asks. “I know it’s not the worst you’ve had but that’s still a big deal. How long are they giving you?”

“I’m gonna be out for the season,” Sid admits.

“That’s a bit much,” Mario says, then fixes Sid with a searching look. “There’s more to it. What aren’t you telling me, Sidney?”

“I, uh,” Sid starts, unsure how to proceed. It’s not as if he’s afraid Mario will be angry with him. Mario has never been anything but supportive of Sidney ever since he’s known him. From when he was given the captaincy at the age of nineteen, to when he decided to come out to the team, Mario has always been on Sid’s side, and he knows that Mario’s concern will be Sidney’s well-being over anything else. No, Sidney isn’t worried about Mario’s reaction, he’s worried about his own. Mario will be the first person outside of himself and Dr. Harner who knows about this, and after Sidney tells him it will become a thing, an actual thing that Sidney will have to deal with, because Mario will make him deal with it.

As much as Mario is always supportive of Sidney, he also refuses to coddle him, and that has very much affected how Sid has grown into the person he is. After Sidney tells Mario, Mario is going to pull him out of bed, take him to the main house where Nathalie undoubtedly has breakfast waiting for them. Then, once Sid is finished eating, he’s going to hand Sid the phone, and tell him that he has a few calls to make in a way that brooks no argument. Sid is thirty-one years old, and doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do, but Mario will be right in not letting Sid hide this from his family and from the team, so Sid will listen. That’s not to say that Sid is even slightly ready for that to happen, but he came here last night for a reason- he knows that he needs to handle this.

“I’m pregnant.”

***

The rest of the morning goes as expected, with Mario pulling out Sidney’s cell phone, which he must have pocketed while Sid was brushing his teeth, and handing it to him wordlessly across the table. Sid makes all of the necessary phone calls, starting with his mother, who, after an initial teary reaction, switches to full mom mode, nagging assurances from Sid that he will take care of himself, keep her updated every step of the way, and promise to “come home and visit soon, Sidney, I’m serious.” Sid assures his mother that he’ll seek the best care and will call her after every doctor’s appointment at least, and promises to be back in Cole Harbour as soon as he figures things out. Her own worries soothed, Trina passes the phone off to her husband who is more confused than anything.

“How did this happen, son?” Troy asks. “I mean, I know how this happened, obviously. Were you not careful? Your mother and I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”

“I, uh,” Sid stutters. His family did not know that he and Geno were seeing each other. He just didn’t think it was necessary to tell them since it wasn’t going to last past the summer. “I wasn’t,” Sid tells him. “It was a one time thing, and I guess I wasn’t careful enough.” The lie cuts through Sid like a sword, but he had already decided that he is not going to tell anyone that Geno is the father. He knows that if Geno knew, he’d stay in North America with Sidney out of obligation, and Sid can’t put that on Geno. He’s hurt Geno enough already.

“Are you happy, Sid?” Troy asks, his voice full of concern. The question takes Sidney by surprise, mostly because he doesn’t quite know the answer.

“I don’t know yet,” he answers honestly. “I’m still trying to process it. Everything will be fine, though, dad, I promise.”

“I believe you, son,” Troy says. “Still, it’s best to keep your mother updated, you know how she worries. And come home soon, because she’ll be chomping at the bit to get you here and check you over.”

“Yeah, I know,” Sid says, chuckling. “I already promised her I’d be home as soon as possible.”

“Sooner than that,” Troy says with mock seriousness. “And call your sister.”

“I know dad, I will,” Sid says.

After Sid hangs up with his father he calls Taylor, who mostly just laughs at the prospect of her older brother being someone’s father.

“You gotta admit, Sid, it’s kinda ridiculous,” Taylor says, when Sid whines that it’s not funny.

“I’m still in shock, Taylor, have some sympathy or something,” Sid pleads.

“Yeah, no,” Taylor says. “I am excited to be an aunt though. I will undoubtedly be the best aunt to ever aunt.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“It does, you’re just too old to understand.”

“I hate you,” Sid says matter-of-factly.

“I’ll endure your hate by thinking of just how fat you’re gonna be in a few months,” Taylor says gleefully.

“Ugh.”

“Love you.”

“Whatever.”

“No, really, Sid,” Taylor says, her tone losing some of it’s playfulness. “I’m here for you, whatever you need.”

“I know you are,” Sid says. “Thank you.”

“I love you,” she says.

“Love you, too,” Sid says. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Don’t worry about calling the team,” Mario says after Sid hangs up with Taylor. “I’ll take care of Dan and Ray, unless you wanted to.”

“No,” Sid say quickly, and probably too enthusiastically. “I mean, I’d appreciate it if you did it. But, uh, don’t tell the guys. I’m not ready for them to know yet.”

“They’re gonna wonder why you’re out, Sid,” Mario reminds him.

“Yeah, I know,” Sid tells him. “Can we just tell them that it’s an upper-body injury? That’s partially true.”

“Okay, then,” Mario says. “This is your call. You won’t be able to keep it hidden for long. Men start to show much sooner than women, typically.”

“I know. I’ll tell them eventually,” Sid says. “Just not yet.”

“Alright, Sid. I’m not trying to pressure you,” Mario tells him.

“Thank you.”

“I do want to know, though,” Mario starts, “who’s the father?”

“Uh, me?” Sidney says.

“You know what I mean, Sidney,” Mario says, exasperated. “I know you told your parents that it was a one time thing, but I’m not under the impression that you’ve slept with so many men the past couple of months that you don’t remember.”

“I know who it is,” Sid admits, “but it doesn’t matter. I’m not telling him about it.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no need,” Sid says.

“Sidney, I’d think he’d like to know…”

“Just drop it, please,” Sid snaps, then after a second, “I’m sorry. I just really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, okay,” Mario says. “I’ll let it go. Do you wanna hide out here for a while?”

“Yes,” Sid says, grateful that he didn’t have to ask first.

“I figured,” Mario tells him. “Why don’t you head home and grab some things. I’m gonna talk to Chris Harner about getting you set up with a doctor. We’ll need someone discreet, obviously, and you’ll need to set up an appointment soon.”

Sid is so grateful to Mario that he starts to tear up, which could very well be pregnancy hormones, he’s not entirely sure. When he stands up to leave, Mario follows him to the door and pulls him into a hug, not wanting to squeeze too tightly’ since Sid is still sore from the game last night.

“Everything’s gonna be alright, Sidney,” Mario promises him.

Sid’s starting to believe it.

***

The team finds Sid a doctor with a practice that specializes in Male Gestation just outside of Pittsburgh and sets him up with an appointment the following week. He spends the majority of the week leading up to his appointment sulking in Mario’s guesthouse and dodging concerned calls and texts from teammates. Sid’s no stranger to extended absences from playing hockey, but that doesn’t make this any easier, no matter how grateful he is that his absence isn’t injury related.

He wakes up early the morning of his appointment and heads up to main house to see if Mario or Nathalie are up.

“Good morning, Sid,” Mario says, apparently having just finished breakfast.

“‘Morning,” Sidney says through a yawn, taking a seat at the breakfast table.

“I know you have your first appointment this morning,” Mario says, “but I have a meeting with the foundation, so Nathalie has agreed to join you.”

“That’s not necessary,” Sid says after taking a sip of the orange juice Nathalie offers him. “I wasn’t even expecting you to go with me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sidney, of course I was going to go,” Mario tells him. “I just didn’t realize I was double booked.”

“I’m glad to go with you, Sidney,” Nathalie says sweetly. “You shouldn’t have to go alone. I always had someone with me, even when Mario was on road trips.”

“I mean, if you’re sure,” Sid says hesitantly.

“I’m sure,” Nathalie assures him firmly. “You go get ready, and I’ll meet you in my car in twenty minutes.” Sid learned long ago never to ignore a direct order from Nathalie Lemieux. She may be one of the sweetest women in the world, but you don’t raise four children without a firm hand.

Just over an hour later, Sid is in an exam room, pacing nervously while Nathalie watches with an amused expression over the book she brought with her.

“What’s so funny?” Sidney snaps, then immediately apologizes.

“Nothing, dear,” Nathalie says. “It’s just interesting being on this side of things."

"What do you mean?"

"I remember when I had my first ultrasound with Lauren, I was certain that she was gonna have some sort of horrible rare disease or something. I was a wreck," Nathalie tells him, "and I wasn't playing a full contact sport. So I can only imagine what's going through your head."

"Uh, yeah," Sid sighs, finally stopping his pacing and sitting in the exam bed. "I mean, that hit on my last game was pretty hard."

"I saw," Nathalie says. "But Chris Harner confirmed it, right? And I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this Sid, but you've put on a bit of weight in just the week that you’ve been staying with us.”

“I have not!” Sid says, covering his midsection self-consciously. Nathalie just laughs at him.

“Get used to it, dear,” she chuckles, patting him consolingly on the thigh as the doctor finally enters the room.

Sid is surprised when the doctor that walks in is a woman. Not because women can’t be doctors, obviously, but because the framed degrees hung on the wall are all made out to J. Michael Little. The last thing he was expecting was a middle-aged woman about a foot shorter than him, with her graying hair pulled up in a tight bun. His surprise must show on his face, because Dr. Little just chuckles, holding her hand out for him to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Crosby,” she says, after he greets her. “My son and husband are both huge fans.”

“Uh, yeah nice to meet you as well,” Sid says a little hesitantly.

“Don’t worry, I take my job very seriously,” the doctor informs him, correctly interpreting his hesitation. “I have no intention of telling anyone that I’ve taken you on as a patient.” Some of the tension in Sid’s shoulders eases at her assurance, but he continues to sit on the bed awkwardly, not sure what to say next.

“I’m Nathalie Lemieux,” Nathalie says, introducing herself after Sid has failed to speak for more than a few moments. “Interesting middle name, Dr. Little.”

“Oh yes, it’s my father’s first name,” she tells them. “The one who carried me. My full name is Johanna Michael Little, but I started to go by J. Michael when I decided to specialize in Male Gestation.”

“May I ask why?” Nathalie asks.

“Mainly for kicks,” the doctor says. “Reactions like Mr. Crosby’s are common when I walk into a first appointment. Gotta keep myself entertained,” she says, laughing. “And also it always gives me a chance to reveal just why I chose this field. Having been carried by a man myself, I can always give insight that I gained from hearing my father talk about what it was like to be pregnant. Not that all pregnancies are the same, but you get my point.”

“Call me Sidney,” Sid says, belatedly breaking his silence.

“Well okay, Sidney,” Dr. Little starts, “why don’t we get started?” She opens up the file that she was holding when she walked in and scans the contents for a moment. “This is a copy of your file from the team doctor,” she tells him. “It says here that you suffered a minor injury the last time you played. Have you felt any abdominal pain or had any bleeding?”

“No,” Sidney says, worry making his voice crack. “Just the usual soreness that comes with these types of injuries.”

“That’s definitely a good sign,” Dr. Little says, “but I won’t know anything for sure until I can take a look around. There’s always cause for concern when a carrier is involved in something as physical as hockey. Are you ready your first ultrasound?”

“As I’ll ever be, I guess,” Sid says.

“Alright then, go ahead and lay back,” she tells him, and Sid obliges. “Are you okay with Mrs. Lemieux being in here?”

“Uh, yeah, I prefer it,” Sid replies, and Nathalie rolls the chair she’s sitting in closer to Sid’s side and and grabbing his hand.

“Okay, Sidney lift up your shirt for me. The gel’s gonna be cold,” she warns Sid after he’s lifted his shirt to reveal a stomach that is considerably bigger than it was when he arrived at the Lemieux house the week before. Dr. Little squirts the gel onto Sid’s stomach. He flinches at just how cold it is as she starts to spread it around his lower abdomen with the wand attached to the ultrasound machine. It’s silent for what feels like forever to Sid, but really can’t be more than a minute or two as the doctor works to bring up a visual of the baby on the screen. Nathalie squeezes Sid’s hand consolingly, probably remembering what it felt like waiting for the first view to come. He squeezes back, trying to let the pressure of his hands tell just how grateful he is that she’s there with him.

“Here we are,” Dr. Little says after an eternity. “There’s your baby, Sidney.”

“I don’t see anything,” Sid says anxiously.

“That’s normal,” Nathalie assures him. “Mario never knew where to look either. Here,” she says, letting go of Sid’s hand and rolling her chair over to the machine and pointing to a spot just to the left of the center of the screen. “You see that little peanut-looking thing there?” She moves her finger to give Sid a better view and he just makes out the small mass that she was talking about. He stares at it awestruck for a second before nodding.

“That’s your baby, Sidney,” Dr. Little tells him. “May not look like much now, but that’ll change soon enough. Very good, Mrs. Lemieux. I usually have a hard task getting first-timers to see the baby.”

“I’ve done this four times already,” Nathalie says. “Five if you include being there with my daughter Lauren for her first ultrasound last year.”

“Well, I’m impressed,” Dr. Little says with a smile. “And grateful, as you just took a load off of my shoulders.”

“My pleasure,” Nathalie says, returning the smile.

“So does this mean that everything’s okay?” Sidney says, snapping out of his daze but keeping his eyes on the picture of his baby. “I mean, you made it seem like it’ll be able to grow normally. It’ll grow normally, right?”

“Everything is looking perfectly normal, Sidney,” the doctor tells him. “I’d say you’re about nine weeks along, and can expect your baby to arrive sometime around the middle of May, since men never carry for a full thirty-eight weeks.”

Sid’s speechless, and can’t do anything but heave a sigh of relief. The anxiety that he walked in with eases away with every second that he spends looking at his baby on the screen. It’s never been more real to him than it is in this moment, with the proof of it right in front of his face. Now with the assurance that his baby is going to be healthy despite his foolishness in continuing to play for two weeks, Sid can maybe start getting excited about this.

***

Sid is fat.

There’s really no other way around, it’s just the way it is. There’s a human growing somewhere inside of his body and it is making him fat, and he has no idea how to cope with this. All of his life, not including those awkward chubbier years between grades four and six, Sid has been fit. He never had a six pack, but that was only because he never bothered to get one. His routine never took him down that route, but his stomach has always been flat and toned, and his pecs are always well-defined. Now his pecs have a softness around the edges that he’s not accustomed to, and his stomach is, well, it’s not necessarily flabby, it’s hard because of the human in it, but it’s still round. Like really round. Like rounder than he thinks it should be, no matter how many times Dr. Little assures him that men show more and sooner than women.

It probably wouldn’t bother Sid as much if it weren’t for Taylor. They both went home for American Thanksgiving since Taylor had the week off from classes at Northeastern University, and she spent the entire week alternating between poking Sid in the belly and calling him a minivan of all things, and rubbing it and making cooing noises that he’s pretty sure the baby wouldn’t be able to hear anyhow. Sid knows he’s not _that_ big, but it makes him so self-conscious that he makes a trip to the mall when he gets back to Pittsburgh to buy bigger clothes (not paternity clothes though, he’s not like those fools in Chicago who did an awful job of keeping their pregnancy a secret).

It’s December now, though. Sid’s into his second trimester, and no matter how much bigger he buys his clothes, the swell of his growing baby bump is getting harder and harder to hide. It’s gotten so bad that Sid isn’t even leaving the Lemieux property anymore. The daily trek from the guesthouse to the main house is about all the fresh air he gets because he doesn’t want to run the risk of someone seeing him and realizing that the upper-body injury that the team’s been quoting as the reason for his absence is actually a parasitic fetal growth in his lower abdomen.

Sid opens his front door, about to make the trip up to the main house for lunch, to find Colby standing there, hand poised to knock on the door. They both just stand there staring at each other lamely for a second.

“What the hell, Sid?” he exclaims, stepping back and taking Sid in. “What the _hell_?”

“I, uh,” Sid sputters.

“What the hell?!” Colby says for a third time.

“Please stop saying that okay, just come inside and let me explain,” Sid says, stepping back and giving Colby room to enter the house.

“No explanation necessary,” Colby tells him. “You’re _pregnant_.”

“Uh, yeah,” Sid says.

“What the hell,” Colby says yet again, this time through an almost defeated sigh, as he sinks down onto Sid’s couch. “Well that explains a lot then.”

“What does it explain?” Sid asks, taking a seat in the armchair facing the couch.

“Um, how about why you haven’t been on the ice for two months, not even at practice. Or why no one has seen you since before you went home to see your parents,” Colby says.

“You been keeping tabs on me?”

“No, of course not,” Colby answers. “But when you start hiding at Mario’s again like you’re eighteen and not really talking to your teammates, people start to worry.”

“It’s not like I’ve been ignoring anyone,” Sidney tells him.

“Oh no, you’ve just been so short that everyone’s just about given up trying to check on you,” Colby says. It’s true though. Even though Sid told Mario that he wanted to tell the guys on the team himself, he keeps putting it off, which is easy enough to do since not even Mario is pressuring him to do it. While he knows he won’t be able to put it off forever, Sid’s at a loss on how to actually go about telling everyone, especially Geno. He still has no intention whatsoever of telling Geno that he’s the father, but telling the team includes telling Geno, and he has to decide how to spin this to make Geno think that he isn’t the father. The only thing he can think of is the story he was telling everyone, that it was just a one time fling, but then to Geno that would mean that Sid was either sleeping with someone else on the side, or slept with someone else after he stopped sleeping with Geno. Both scenarios would hurt Geno, but Sid is sure that the truth will have worse consequences.

“I’m sorry,” Sid says finally.

“No need to apologize,” Colby says. “I’m just glad that you’re okay. I mean, you are okay right? Healthy and all that?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sid assures him. “Everything’s going well, according to my doctor.”

“Well, then why do you look so miserable?” Colby asks, staring at Sid searchingly.

“I’m not,” Sid says. “I’m more excited now than I was when I first found out.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I really am though,” Sid says. “It’s just, now that you know, I’m gonna have to tell the rest of the guys.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Colby asks, chuckling a little. “The guys are gonna lose their minds over this.”

“Yeah, I know, that’s what I’m afraid of.” Colby lets out a full on guffaw at that.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sidney,” Colby says. “They’re gonna be excited for you, and it’s silly of you to think otherwise. Especially Geno! Oh my god, how have you not told at least Geno? You know how much he loves babies.”

“And how do you know that I haven’t told Geno?” Sid asks, trying to give off the impression that everything between he and Geno is normal.

“Because he’s been the main one texting me trying to figure out what’s going on with you,” Colby explains, and Sid feels a twinge of guilt at that. “When I realized you’d been shutting _him_ out along with everyone else, I knew I had to fly out here and find you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Sid, please,” Colby says, exasperated. “Everyone knows you and Geno have a special relationship. Even more so than me and you when we were teammates. He’s the only person you’d let go after you onto the ice.”

“Only because he bullied me into it,” Sid grumbles, remembering Geno’s first NHL game fondly.

“Yeah whatever, Sid. The point is, it’s time to come out of hiding,” Colby says. “And I’m not leaving it up to you, either, because lord knows you’d wait until after Christmas or something ridiculous like that.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Sid says.

“Sidney, please,” Colby says again.

“Yeah okay fine, when should we do it then?”

“Today,” Colby answers.

“No, today won’t work.”

“Like hell it won’t,” Colby counters. “There’s no game today, so I promised the guys that I would get you out of your house even if I had to drag you kicking and screaming.”

“Some friends I have,” Sidney groans.

“As Geno would say, we best.”

***

Sid goes willingly, despite Colby’s threat to drag him if need be. He’s still nervous about being seen in public though, so he grabs the biggest sweater he owns and throws it on over the already loose T shirt he’s wearing.

“What are you doing, Sid?” Colby asks as Sid checks that the sweater will indeed hide his baby bump. “The whole point of this is that the guys can _see_ that you’re pregnant.”

“It’s fine for them to see, but I don’t want anyone else knowing,” Sid explains.

“Whatever,” Colby says as he leads the way out to his rental car. Sid settles himself into the passenger side, moving the seat back to make room for his long legs and reclining the seat so that he can sit comfortably and resting his hands on his belly. “Woah.”

“What?” Sid asks.

“You just look more pregnant looking like that,” Colby tells him.

“Oh great,” Sidney groans, pulling the lever so the seat sits back up.

“No don’t do that! You gotta be comfortable,” Colby says. “I was just making a comment.”

“Just drive,” Sid says exasperatedly, reclining his seat again, because he really wouldn’t have been comfortable any other way.

Colby doesn’t end up driving him to Consol like Sid expected. Instead they’re pulling into the community where Flower lives. When they pull up to Flower’s house there are quite a few cars parked outside of it.

“What the hell, is the entire team here?” Sid asks.

“I don’t know, probably,” Colby says uselessly. “They’ve all been pretty worried about you.”

“Might as well get it all over with at once, I guess.”

“That’s the spirit!” Colby agrees, putting the car in park and hopping out and stretching. “You need help or something?” Colby asks, looking over and seeing that Sid is still sitting in the car.

“No, I do not need help,” Sidney replies crankily. “I’m just preparing for the madness that’s about to ensue.” And also for having to face Geno, but Sid doesn’t say that outloud.

“It’s gonna be fine, Sid,” Colby tells him, opening the passenger side door and holding out his hand. Sid accepts Colby’s hand (even though he doesn’t necessarily need the help, it’s nice to have), and Colby pulls him out. “You know these guys will support you no matter what.” He’s right, of course, but Sid’s not concerned about having the team’s support, they’ve always supported him. He’s concerned about Geno, but he can’t tell Colby that without explaining why. So Sid just nods stiffly in acknowledgment of Colby’s assurance and follows him to the door.

Flower opens the door almost as soon Colby rings the bell, as if he was waiting by the door. “He lives!” Flower shouts, pulling Sid into a tight hug. “Been worried about you, Sidney,” he says softly in French.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sid answers in French, and he discovers that he actually is very sorry, realizing how selfish he was being in hiding away.

“We will only accept your apology once you explain to us why you were gone,” Flower tells him, switching back to English and stepping aside so Sid and Colby can enter the house.

“Who’s we, exactly?” Sid asks a little nervously, as Flower leads them through the house.

“You’ll see,” Flower says with a smirk. When they make it to Flower’s game room, ‘we’ is revealed to be the entire current team, as well as the recently retired Duper and Kuni. Most of them are too caught up in watching Beau and Jayson battle it out on NHL ‘18 to realize that Sidney, Colby, and Flower has rejoined them, but Nealer sees them, as does Duper, and Geno. None of them make a move to get up to greet him, however, so Flower clears his throat. “We have company, gentlemen.”

That captures most of their attention, including Beau’s who turns to look just as Jayson scores a goal.

“Suck it, loser!” Jayson exclaims gleefully, getting out of his seat for his celly. Bort punches him in his side as he’s dancing. “What? Don’t be mad just because I’m beating your bro. Oh,” he says, looking sheepish when he turns around and sees that his Captain has arrived.

“Hi guys,” Sid says with an awkward wave at the room at large. No one’s saying anything, though, and Sid doesn’t know how to proceed. They’re all just staring at him.

“Hi, I’m here too,” Colby says, stepping from behind Sid. That successfully diffuses the tension, as those that know Colby get out of their seats to greet him with hugs, and those that don’t rise to introduce themselves with handshakes. After that’s all done, Beau and Jayson go back to their game and most of the room goes back to watching, allowing Sid to find a seat next to Duper and Kuni without any fuss.

“It’s good to see you, Sidney,” Duper says, patting him on the back.

“Yeah, you too,” Sid says.

“Been worried about you, though,” Kuni chimes in. “Where have you been?”

“I, uh, I’ve been at Mario’s,” Sid tells them, blushing a little.

“Hiding at Mario’s licking your wounds,” Flower laughs, coming out of nowhere with a beer in hand, offering it to Sidney. “Just like when you were a kid.”

“I have not been ‘licking my wounds,’” Sidney whines, though he can’t deny that he’s been hiding. “And I can’t drink so no thank you.”

“What do mean you can’t drink,” Flower asks. “What kind of injury doesn’t let you drink?”

“I,” Sidney starts. This isn’t exactly how he thought he’d have to tell them, but now seems as good a time as any, so he stands up and pulls his sweater over his head and stands with his arms out so the three of them can fully take him in.

“Holy shit,” Kuni says at the same time that Flower lets out a hissed “Mon Dieu.”

“Sidney…” Duper breathes, reaching his hand out as if to touch Sid’s belly but then pulling his hand back at the last second. “Is that? Is that what I think it is?”

“Probably,” Sidney says, letting his arms drop to his side.

“How did this happen?” Kuni asks, awestruck.

“You have kids, Kuni,” Sid reminds him. “I think you know how it happened.”

“Don’t be a smartass, Sidney,” Flower snaps at him. “Why did you keep this from us?”

“I wasn’t ready to tell you yet,” Sid says. “I’ve only told family.”

“We are family,” Duper says gently.

“I know,” Sid admits. “I know, I’m sorry, I just didn’t know…”

“What happening over here?” comes Geno’s voice from behind Sidney, and Sidney freezes, unable to finish his statement. “What the matter with Sid?”

“Sid, why don’t you turn around and show Geno what the matter is,” Flower says, but Sidney can’t. He’s frozen in place with his eyes closed so that the other three can’t see just how terrified he is.

“Sid, what is wrong?” Geno asks, placing a hand on Sid’s shoulder. Geno sounds so worried that Sid can’t keep him in the dark any longer, so he takes a deep breath, fixes his face into what he hopes is a stoic expression, and turns to face Geno. They lock eyes for a second, and Sid can tell that Geno is still confused, so he takes a step back so that Geno can see.

It’s obvious when Geno realizes what’s going on. His eyes go wide and his mouth opens in surprised ‘oh’ but he doesn’t say anything.

“Geno,” Sidney says warily, reaching out to him. Geno steps back, though, and mutters something in Russian, then shakes his head as if to clear it, and fixes his face into a smile.

“I happy for you, Sid,” he says. Then, “I think I leave now.”

“Wait, Geno,” Sid says, as Geno walks out of the room.

“What’s that about?” Duper asks, looking between Sidney and the door that Geno just walked out of, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Wait where’s G going?” Nealer asks from the other side of the room. “He’s my ride back to…” he stops in the middle of his sentence when his eyes fall on Sidney. The rest of the room does the same, since they were all distracted from what they were doing when Nealer shouted. Realization dawns on all of their faces at different times and their faces range from confusion to amusement.

“Uh,” Sid says. “So, um.”

“You’re pregnant?” Olli offers, saving Sid from having to say the words himself.

“Yeah.”

The whole room explodes at that, and any hope that Sid had of catching up to Geno is lost in hugs, congratulations, and excited hands on his baby bump.

***

The fuss over Sid’s revelation takes a while to die down. When it finally does, Sid’s not entirely sure what his next move should be. He knows that he needs to talk to Geno, but he doesn’t know how to go about it. In the past, before this summer and even during, when he and Geno would have a disagreement, one of them would just show up at the other’s house and they would sit silently together, sometimes watching television or playing video games until they were ready to talk things over. Sid’s not under the impression that that will work this time though. He’s surprised, then, when Colby is pulling up to the guest house and Geno’s car is parked next to Sid’s Range Rover.

“You gonna be okay?” Colby asks Sid, looking over and taking in Sid’s anxiety.

“Probably not,” Sid says truthfully. Colby doesn’t say anything at that, just squeezes Sid’s shoulder comfortingly before unlocking the door for Sid to get out. Sid get’s out of the car but turns back just before closing the door. “Thanks, Army,” Sid says, trying to convey thanks for more than just what he’s done for Sid today, but for simply being Sid’s friend no matter what.

“You’re welcome, Squid,” Colby says, laughing when Sid winces at the use of his long hated nickname. “Call if you need anything. I’ll be around for a couple of days.” Sid nods, then shuts the passenger door, giving it a tap as Colby starts to back away. He watches as Colby drives down the driveway and then out of the gate and out of sight, bracing himself for what he’s about to do.

When Sid opens the door to the guesthouse, Geno is waiting for him, sitting in one of the arm chairs with his head in his hands. He looks up when Sid closes the door and immediately stands up, his expression made more terrifying in that Sid cannot read it at all. It’s a blur of so many mixed emotions that Sid can’t pick out just one. They don’t say anything for awhile, just stand staring at each other as Sid struggles to decipher just what’s going on in Geno’s head in an effort to help him decide what he should say. The silence stretches out too long for Sid, though.

“How did you know I was here?”

Geno grunts out a dry laugh. “Where else will you be, Sid? Of course you here. This where you hide when hurt or scared.” Sid can’t deny it. “Anyone who know you know this where you will be. Army know to come here because he your best friend. I know you here because I…” Geno stops himself, though, and Sid flinches away from the words that Geno left unsaid. “I know you here,” Geno says again instead.

“Well I’m glad I’m so predictable,” Sid says defensively.

“Don’t, Sid,” Geno says, moving towards where Sid is still standing by the door. “This not why I am here.”

“Then why are you here?” Sid asks, stalling for time even though he knows the time has pretty much arrived.

“Why you not tell me?” Geno asks, once he’s standing right in front of Sidney.

“I wasn’t ready.”

“You not think I maybe want to know?” Geno says softly, his hands reaching out to touch Sid’s belly.

“It’s not like it matters,” Sid tells him, backing away out of his reach.

“What you mean? Of course it matter. I going to be a--”

“It’s not yours, Geno.”

Geno, who was moving closer still to Sid, freezes with his arms still reaching out towards Sid’s baby bump. His expression of shocked hurt clearly readable now. “I do not understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Sid breathes, his eyes starting to prickle with forming tears.

“No, I do not understand you, Sid,” Geno repeats earnestly. “Of course is my baby.”

“I’m sorry, Geno,” Sid says again. “It’s not. I. I was with someone after we broke it off.”

“It must happen very soon after you say we cannot be together anymore,” Geno says. “You are already big, Sid.”

“It was,” Sid tells him. “It was a couple of weeks later.”

“I see,” Geno says, more chill in his tone than Sid has ever heard before as he straightens himself up in a dignified manner and moving past Sidney to the door and opening it. “I tell you before, I happy for you Sidney. Congratulations.” Geno leaves after that, not even bothering to close the door behind himself.

Sid closes the door for Geno, barely able to see through the tears that have begun falling freely now. It’s still early in the evening, but he makes his way to his bedroom anyhow, doing all he can to hold on to the resolve that this is what’s best for Geno.

***

Now that the team knows about Sid’s pregnancy, he feels no need to hide at Mario’s any longer. He doesn’t move out of the guest house, intending to stay there until the baby is born at least, but he doesn’t confine himself to the property either. He starts going out and doing his own grocery shopping so that he’s not always dependent on whatever Nathalie cooks (though he still goes as late as possible to avoid crowds). He has a cleaning service that comes weekly to clean his house, and he gives them the go ahead to just clean out his refrigerator of anything that might have expired since he’s been gone. Most importantly though, Sid starts showing up at games again, the thing he’d been most wary of doing. There’s no way to avoid the press at Penguins games if you’re Sidney Crosby, and with how much his baby bump has been growing there’s no way people won’t notice.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Mario asks him as they’re pulling up to Consol together, about a week after the scene in Flower’s game room. “There’s no pressure if you’re still not ready to go public.”

“I know,” Sidney assures him. “I’m probably never going to be one hundred percent ready, and I’m definitely not doing a full press conference about it, so this is the best way to let the news break, I think.”

“You’re not so big that you can’t still hide it, if you want to,” Mario tells him.

“I appreciate you trying to give me a way out, Mario, but I’ve been hiding long enough,” Sidney says. “I’m gonna sit in the box just like any other player on IR and watch my teammates, like I should’ve been doing these past two months. Let people see me, put up with Rossi’s dumb questions about what this means for the future of my career, and that’ll be that.”

“You know better than to think that that’ll be that, Sidney,” Mario scolds.

“Still, it’s better than the alternative,” Sidney says.

“You could do a press conference and answer all of their questions at once,” Mario tells him.

“Yeah but I don’t wanna,” Sid says childishly.

“Yeah okay,” Mario laughs, putting the car in park and unlocking the doors. “Whatever you say, Sid.”

The Penguins lose to the Lightning that night in a shootout, which sucks, but it is what it is. Despite the loss, the team has been playing very well, currently third in the Eastern Conference. Geno has been playing especially well, shining as he has in the past in the times when he gets to center the top line in Sid’s absence.

Sid rises from his seat in the box where he’s been sitting with Mario, smooths out his his suit that’s been tailored to fall comfortably over his baby bump, and makes his way down the locker room. Most of the press is crowded around Geno, who had a three point game in the loss, so mostly only the team sees him walk in.

“Didn’t know you were here tonight,” Duper says, greeting him with a pat on the back.

“Yeah, I figured it was time for me to make an appearance,” Sidney responds, with a glance over at where the press is still with Geno. Duper follows his gaze and then looks back at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re gonna do this now?”

“It’s as good a time as any,” Sid says.

“You didn’t think a press conference--”

“Ugh no,” Sidney groans. “I’m letting the news get out in the least intrusive way possible.”

“Okay then,” Duper says in the same tone that Mario used on him in the car. “I hope you know what you’re doing because here they come.” The reporters, who all turned away from Geno, seem to all spot him at the same time, their jaws dropping collectively. They gather themselves quickly though and make a beeline straight for him. Sid points to Shelly Anderson first because she’s the one who irritates him the least.

“Welcome back, Sidney,” she says.

“Thank you. It’s good to be back, even if it was just to watch,” Sid says.

“I’ll cut to the chase, then,” she says. “You are very obviously pregnant.” And this is why Sidney likes her the most, she doesn’t pussyfoot around with unintelligible questions.

“Yes I am,” Sidney says.

“Is this the sole reason why you’ve been out all this time, or were you actually injured?” Yohe asks.

“I suffered a minor upper-body injury in that game against the Hurricanes,” Sid answers. “But yes this is why I’ve been out all this time, and will be out for the rest of the season.”

“How is this going to affect the rest of your career?” Rossi, of course.

Sid does his best not to roll his eyes. “No more than having a child has affected any other player in the NHL.”

Sid gets through the rest of their questions with ease, dealing with the expected “when are you due” and “boy or girl” questions, and is extremely grateful when the dreaded “who is the father” does not come up at all. Sid guesses these reporters have been covering him long enough to know that if he wanted them to know that much, he would have told them. By the time he’s done with the press, Geno is already gone, not that Sid was expecting to be able to talk to him, but it seems almost as if he’d been in a hurry to get away. Sidney knows that Geno is probably going to need his space before they can be friends again, and he’s willing to give Geno all the time he needs.

He just hopes that it’s not forever.

***

It ends up only being six weeks.

Six weeks in which the news of one of the NHL’s top stars revealing himself to be pregnant, and in turn revealing him to be anything other than completely heterosexual, rocks the entire sports world, so much so that they even talk about him on Sportscenter, go figure. Six weeks in which more paparazzi show up in Pittsburgh than has probably ever been there, and Sidney’s face appears on the cover of so many magazines, nearly all of which have readers who didn’t even know who he was until the news broke. Sidney handles it all with relative ease, especially since the Lemieux property is very well protected, and he’s still only leaving it to go to Consol or to grocery shop. As the weeks continue to pass, the swell of Sidney’s growing baby bump becomes more and more difficult to hide until it becomes impossible to hide no matter what Sid wears.

“I did tell you that men start to show sooner, and more so than women, Sidney,” Dr. Little reminds him at first appointment of the new year.

“I think you left off the ‘more so,’” Sid says. “This is kinda ridiculous don’t you think?”

“Not at all,” she tells him. “You’re right on track for a man just out of his first trimester. Which reminds me, we haven’t discussed whether or not you want to know the sex of the baby.”

“Yes!” Sid answers enthusiastically. “Sorry, it’s just that this whole thing has been enough of a surprise as it is.”

“I understand,” Dr. Little says, laughing. “I should be able to tell you at your next appointment.”

“Couldn’t you tell me now?”

“I could,” the doctor admits with a mischievous grin, “but I’m not gonna.”

“What the…”

Dr. Little laughs heartily at that. “I’m gonna have the ultrasounds printed out for you to take home and you can show the Lemieux’s and the team if you want. Make a game out of guessing the sex and then next month find out who’s right. It’s more fun my way, trust me.”

Sidney is unhappy about having to wait another month to find out the sex of his child, but he’s sure the team will have fun taking bets so he decides to play along instead of demanding that she tell him.

It’s about a month later, just a few days before Sid’s next appointment that Geno shows up. It’s early afternoon, and Geno looks freshly showered, which means that he came straight from practice. He doesn’t say anything when Sidney answers the door, just strolls purposefully past him and into the living room where Sid was just lounging. Sid takes a second to allow himself to be stunned then collects himself, shutting the door, and following after Geno. Geno is sitting crosslegged on one of the armchairs, so Sid settles himself back on the sofa, angling himself towards Geno, expecting him to say something. Geno ignores him, though, choosing instead to give all of his attention to the episode of ‘House Hunters’ currently playing on the television. Sid follows his lead, then, settling more comfortably on the couch and facing the television.

They get through another two episodes of the show before the silence between them is broken.

“Is a boy,” Geno says, eyes still fixed determinedly on the television.

“What?” Sid says dazedly, surprised by the sound of Geno’s voice.

“Your baby,” Geno clarifies, “is a boy.”

“Oh!” Sidney exclaims, finally catching on. “You think so? I’ve been going back and forth on it, but I still don’t really know how to read that thing.”

“Is easy,” Geno tells him. “Just need to know where to look.”

“Is that what a lot of the guys think, too?” Sid asks.

“Some think is girl, some think is boy, so no one gonna make much money on bet,” Geno answers. “Is fun for them anyway.”

Sid doesn’t miss how Geno is sure to say that it’s fun for “them” and not “us.” “Did you not place a bet? You should, since you’re so sure.”

“In beginning, when you first put up pictures, I am too sad to place bet,” Geno tells him frankly. “But maybe I do it now, for fun.”

“Are you…are you not sad anymore?” Sidney asks, moving forward in his seat and facing Geno, who finally turns and does the same.

“Still sad, Sid,” Geno tells him. “But not as sad as in the beginning.”

“That’s good, Geno,” Sid says. “I mean. It’s not good that you’re still sad, but it’s good that you’re not as sad.” Geno just nods his head, so Sid goes on. “I’m so sorry, Geno. It was never my intention to make you sad, you have to know that, okay? And the, the thing that happened? It was only a one time thing, it never went any further.”

“Is okay, Sid,” Geno says, holding his hand up to stop Sidney.

“I just want you to understand…”

“I do understand, Sid,” Geno assures him. “Is _okay_. You not do anything wrong, because we not together anymore. I cannot be mad at you. I just sad because you have baby, but not with me.” Geno eyes read just how sad he is about this, and Sidney feels awful. Not for the first time, Sidney’s resolve not to tell Geno the truth is shaken, but he remembers that this is still for the best. All the unwanted attention that Sidney has endured over the past month or so would double and expand to include Geno if the truth came out, mostly because Geno is so good that he would insist upon it, and Sid can’t let Geno do that to himself. Geno prefers to play hockey and leave his personal life separate, and that would be impossible if Sid told the truth. Not to mention that the negative spotlight that would fall on Geno’s family still in Russia. As long as it’s under Sid’s power to keep all of them protected, he plans to do just that.

“I’m sorry,” Sid says again, because that’s all he really can say.

“I know,” Geno says, and then his face breaks into a wide grin. “I am not father, but I will be best uncle. Duper and Flower and Kuni all have too many kids to make good uncle, and Olli and Megs and Bort too young still. I perfect! Perfect age, no kids! Best Uncle Geno for Sid's baby.” Sidney can’t help but smile along with Geno, his enthusiasm is too infectious. Sidney is glad that Geno is finding a way to make peace with this. And even though he’s not allowing Geno to be the parent that he wants to be, Sid has to admit that he would never be able to do this without Geno’s support. Geno still means, will always mean, so much to Sid, will always matter so much, so he’s grateful that Geno can find it in himself to still be around for this.

Sidney finds out three days later that he’s expecting a boy.

***

Apparently Geno has decided that in order to be a good uncle, he has to start before the baby is even born. Sid is still over two months before his due date, and he’s pretty sure he already has enough toys to last the first five years of his son’s life. That could be an exaggeration, but still, Geno has gone a bit overboard in his enthusiasm.

“Nothing too good for your _malen’kiy pingvin_ , Sid,” Geno tells him when he shows up at Sid’s place with yet another gift for the baby. “And since you say no baby shower, I just bring gifts for Colton whenever I want.” Sid smiles at Geno’s use of the name he’d finally picked out for his son after weeks of stressing over it. Everyone from Dr. Little to his mother had told him that there was no rush for him to pick out a name, that he had time, but Sid was anxious to settle on a name. He’s not saying he’s naming his son after a television actor, but he’d heard Taylor use the name once when they were on the phone and he liked the way it sounded with his last name. “Of course if you have baby shower, I just wait and give gifts then,” Geno goes on.

“ _No_ , Geno,” Sid says. “No baby shower. I don’t want one.”

“You being silly, Sid,” Geno tells him.

“Yeah, well,” Sidney mutters.

“Don’t be mad when I bring gifts for baby then,” Geno says.

“Bringing back a toy from every city you visit on a roadtrip is a bit much, Geno!” Sid whines.

“Yeah, well,” Geno says, mimicking Sid.

“You’re ridiculous,” Sid tells him matter-of-factly, just as his stomach growls.

“You hungry, Sid?” Geno asks.

“...No.”

“Why you lie, Sid?”

“Because I literally just had lunch before you got here,” Sid says. “I shouldn’t be hungry again.”

“You eat for two, Sid,” Geno says.

“Trust me, I ate enough,” Sid tells him.

“Maybe still want dessert?” Geno offers. “I go get ice cream.”

“I can’t have ice cream, Geno, are you crazy?”

“Why not?”

“It’s not in my diet plan, _at all_!”

Geno just rolls his eyes as he gets up from his seat and grabs his keys and wallet. “I go get ice cream.”

“Rocky Road!”

***

Sid and Geno are hanging out on his couch one night a little over a month and a half before his due date, an old movie is playing in the background but they’re not paying much attention. Colton is doing some kind of two-step and Sidney can’t get comfortable no matter how hard he tries. Eventually Geno, clearly fed up with Sid’s constant fidgeting, turns toward him and lays his hands, fingers spread, on Sid’s large belly. Sid instantly stills as Geno leans forward, meer centimeters separating his lips and Sid’s stomach. Geno starts murmuring in Russian to Colton, who doesn’t stop his dance on Sid’s bladder immediately, but he does calm down little by little the more Geno talks to him. Sidney doesn’t understand most of what Geno is saying, but he does catch the words _malen’kiy pingvin_ , which is how Geno usually refers to Colton. Eventually the baby stops moving completely, as if Geno’s voice has lulled him to sleep. Once Geno feels that the baby has stopped moving, he presses a light kiss to Sidney’s belly.

The moment is suddenly too intimate for Sidney. When Geno sits back up, Sidney moves away from where they were sitting flush against each other.

“Is okay, Sid?” Geno asks, looking over Sid with wary eyes. Sidney has no idea how to answer, because his initial reaction is to respond in the affirmative, to tell Geno that of course it’s okay. But the truth is that Sidney is afraid of just how okay he is with the moment that just passed between Geno and his son.

Logically, Sidney knows that Colton was just reacting to low the vibrations caused by Geno’s deep voice against Sid’s belly. Hormonally, however, Sid can’t help but feel that Colton was reacting to the sound of his papa’s voice speaking to him in the language that Sid knows Geno would insist upon teaching him if things were different, if Sid would allow Geno to be apart of his son’s life as more than just Uncle Geno. And Sidney _wants_ , he really does, and it’s getting more and more difficult the closer he gets to giving birth to not allow this to happen. He’s hurt Geno enough already, though. He’s not going to be responsible for unwanted attention being brought on Geno and his family.

“I think you should go,” Sid says sadly.

“Sid?” Geno asks warily.

“I’m sorry,” Sid says.

“No, Sid, I am sorry,” Geno says, expression dropping with sadness. “I make you not comfortable. I am sorry,” Geno says again. Geno rises from the couch, collects his things, and leaves without another word.

***

Geno doesn’t come back the next day, or for the next few days after that, not that Sid was expecting him to. The look on Geno’s face when he left Sid that night was that of a man who’d had his dreams crushed. Sid isn’t dumb, he knows, has known for a while, that Geno wants more than what Sid is allowing him. Geno hasn’t asked about the other man since the night Sid told him he wasn’t the father, and there haven’t been many questions about how Sid is going to raise Colton on his own. Sid’s gotten enough of that from his parents as it is, so he was grateful, at first, that Geno never pressed him about it.

It wasn’t long, though, before Sid figured out that Geno was going to do his best to assert himself as a parental figure in Colton’s life anyhow. If Sid were slightly less selfish, he would have pushed Geno away sooner, would have put a stop to the frequent visits, to the constant gift-giving. But Sid is just as in love with Geno as he was when they conceived Colton, so of course he wanted Geno to be around. If Sid is honest with himself, he would admit that he savored the feelings of _right_ and _good_ and _family_ that he got whenever Geno would show up at the guesthouse after a practice or on a night off with takeout and a pint of Rocky Road. In his honesty, Sid would admit that he _wants_ to raise a family with Geno, to have Geno move in and make a home with him, and do all the things that come with it. They can’t have that though. It’s not smart. It never was. Sid is still convinced that it just wouldn’t be good for Geno’s life.

***

Sid’s having dinner with the Lemieux’s up in the main house about a week since the last time he’s seen Geno. Austin and Alexa are both home for Spring Break and are dominating the conversation, both of them excited about getting over this hump and closing out the semester, especially Austin, who will be graduating in June. Sid appreciates the younger Lemieux’s for keeping their parents occupied, because both Mario and Nathalie have been giving him _looks_ for the past day or two, and he’s fairly certain that it has something to do with the lack of Geno at their dinner table this week. He really doesn’t want to talk about it, so the more Austin and Alexa talk, the better.

Sid thinks he’ll be able to make his escape back to the guest house when Austin and Alexa ask to be excused from dinner to go meet up with friends, but as he gets up Mario clears his throat.

“I think Nathalie might have some ice cream if you wanted some dessert,” Mario says.

“Oh, um, no that’s fine, I have some,” Sid says. “I’ll just head back and...okay nevermind.” Sidney catches the look on Mario’s face that he’s seen him use on all four of his children when they were on trouble. It’s a look that says ‘you’re in trouble and you’re not getting out of it.’ It shouldn’t work on Sidney, who is thirty-one years old and also not technically Mario’s son, but it does, so Sid shuts up and accepts the bowl of Rocky Road that Nathalie sets in front of him. He eats a few spoonfuls and gets so caught up in the rapture of it’s deliciousness that he almost forgets that the chocolate and marshmallows are the shackles with which he’s being chained to the Lemieux dining room table, at least until Mario clears his throat for a second time.

“Enjoying your ice cream, Sidney?” Mario asks, chuckling. Sid just nods his head around another spoonful. “Good. Before you finish and head off, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Sid admits after swallowing yet another mouthful. “About Geno?”

“About Geno,” Mario says. “What’s going with you two?”

“I--,” Sid starts. He’s not entirely sure how to answer truthfully without giving away too much. “I’m not entirely sure.”

“Really?” Mario asks with a dubious raise of his eyebrows.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Sid tells him.

“I just want to know if there’s anything going on between you two romantically,” Mario says.

“I… No. No,” Sid sputters. “Why would you even… No, there’s not.”

“Don’t be surprised if I don’t believe you, Sidney,” Mario says, tone tinged with disappointment.

“Why would I lie?” Sidney asks, not nearly as calmly as he would like.

“That’s what I would like to know,” Mario says. “He’s over here all the time, at least until this past week. Always bringing you food and gifts for the baby and planning you a shower.”

“Wait, what?” Sid demands. “I didn’t even want a baby shower!”

“Well, you’re getting one,” Mario tells him. “It was supposed to be a surprise, and he’s been putting a lot of work into it, he and Nathalie and your mother.”

“My _mother_!”

“That isn’t the point, Sidney,” Mario snaps.

“What is it, then?” Sidney asks. “Why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because I care about you and I care about Geno,” Mario tells him. “And I don’t want you guys getting into something that might be too much for you to handle with the baby on the way.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Sid says, but not with nearly as much conviction as would be necessary to convince Mario.

“Sidney,” Mario starts, clearly trying to calm his own emotions down. “I know that you’ve taken on a lot with the decision to have your baby and to raise him on your own, and I know that it’s probably scary for you with the due date coming up so soon. But if you’re not in love with Geno, like I clearly see that he is with you, it’s not fair to bring him into this.”

“I…,” Sid starts lamely. “I’ve been trying to get him to stop. I promise, I have. And if I had known about the baby shower I would’ve put a stop to that as well.”

“Is that why he hasn’t been around this week?” Mario asks. “You’ve been trying to get him to stop?”

“Yeah,” Sid says.

“Why? Has he told you how he feels about you?”

“I already knew,” Sid admits.

“And you don’t feel the same,” Mario says, shaking his head and looking sad.

“No, I do,” Sid says. “I do.”

“Sidney, what’s going on here?”

Sidney can’t see any other way out of this conversation other than the truth, but he’s terrified suddenly of what Mario will think of him once it all comes out. Sidney realizes how unfair he’s been to Geno throughout everything that’s happened in the past year, but everytime he tries to make it right somehow, whether by letting Geno in or shutting him out, he only makes it worse, and that puts him in the worst possible light. He’s done enough beating himself up over this, and he doesn’t need anyone else joining in. He’s backed into a corner now with Mario, though. And Mario is so concerned for him, loves him maybe not as much as his own children, but still more than any other member of the team, that lying now has lost any of the appeal that it had seven months ago.

“Geno and I were together in the offseason.”

“ _Sidney_ ,” Mario breathes.

“Yeah,” Sidney replies, defeated.

“He’s the father?”

“Yeah,” Sid says again.

“Sidney, why wouldn’t you tell me this?”

“I haven’t told _anyone_ ,” Sidney says. “Not even Geno.”

“What?” Mario asks, face scrunched in confusion. “What do you mean ‘not even Geno’?”

“Geno doesn’t know that he’s the father.”

“How does he not know?” Mario asks.

“I ended things with him right before training camp,” Sid explains, “and when I realized that I was pregnant, I decided not to tell Geno.”

“And whose does he think it is? It’s not like you would’ve jumped right into bed with someone right after you guys broke up.”

“That’s what I told him, though,” Sidney tells him.

“Why?” Mario asks. “If you guys were together and you guys are in love, why would you not stay together and have your son together? Sidney, what am I missing here?”

“I ended things with Geno because I thought that us being together would mess up our hockey,” Sidney says, not completely honestly.

“There are things in life more important than hockey, Sidney,” Mario says, sadness meeting the disappointment in his tone. “I really didn’t think I’d still have to explain that to you at this age.”

“I know that, Mario.”

“Do you really, though?” Mario scoffs. “What is all this, then, if you really do know that?”

“I’m protecting Geno,” Sid says, allowing the whole truth out.

“From?”

“His life being ruined, essentially.”

“And having Colton is going to ruin your life?”

“God no! Mario why would you--”

“Connect the dots for me, Sidney.”

“Things are different for Geno!” Sidney chokes out, almost sobbing. “Things may have gotten better out here, but he still has family in Russia, still has to go back there and live one day. If anyone ever found out that he had relationship with another man, let alone a baby, he’d be ostracized!”

“Did you ever give him the opportunity to take that risk?” Mario asks calmly.

“What do you mean?” Sid asks.

“Geno is an adult, and should be able to make decisions about his own life,” Mario explains. “It sounds to me as if you’ve decided for him that he’s going to want to go back to Russia after he’s done playing, and that he cares what people out there would do or say.”

“Of course he does!” Sidney says. “I know Geno, okay? I know that’s what he wants.”

“Maybe that’s what he would have wanted if things were different,” Mario says. “You’re not giving him the chance to make an educated decision about his own life, and that’s the worst thing you can do to someone, especially someone you claim to love.”

“Mario, I…”

“You say you’re protecting Geno from his life being ruined, but you may be the very one ruining it,” Mario says. Sidney starts to tear up at that, the truth of it barrelling into him like a check right into the boards. “You’re a grown man Sidney, and you’re going to make your own decisions.” Mario says, rising from his seat and placing a hand on Sidney’s shoulder. “I’d feel I’d have done you a disservice if I sat back and watched you make the wrong ones, though.”

With a squeeze of Sid’s shoulder, Mario walks out of the dining room and Sid’s tears start flowing freely.

***

A lot happens the next day, none of which Sid, who had been up all night alternately thinking about and crying over his conversation with Mario, is prepared to handle.

His plans to spend the day sulking in Mario’s guesthouse are ruined by a knock on his door at around noon. He’s nearly tempted to just ignore it, but his engrained Canadian politeness prevents him from doing so. It’s tested, however, when the caller turns out to be Geno.

“Hello, Sidney,” Geno greets brightly, as if the last time they’d seen each other Sid hadn’t all but thrown Geno out of his house.

“Uh, hi Geno,” Sid responds with the appropriate amount of awkwardness.

“Why are you not dressed?” Geno asks. “Is midday Sid.”

“I didn’t really plan on doing anything today,” Sid says.

“Well, I plan for you then,” Geno says, brushing past Sidney into the house. “You get dressed. I wait.”

“Really, Geno, I just need to be alone today, I think.”

“Nonsense,” Geno says dismissively. “Get dressed Sid. I wait for you.”

It strikes Sid, then, that today must be the surprise baby shower that Mario let slip the night before. He’s still as enthusiastic about the idea as he’s ever been, which is to say not at all. The expectant look on Geno’s face only serves to increase the guilt that has been steadily building in Sid since his conversation with Mario the night before. He’s deprived Geno of so much, more so than he even realized, that he can’t bring himself to take this from him.

“Alright, Geno,” Sid says, pulling his face into as wide a grin as he can muster. “I’ll get ready.”

Sid’s moving a lot slower these days, so it takes him much longer than he’d like to get ready. By the time he makes it back to the living room, Geno is lounging on the couch, flipping through channels on the television, and has apparently helped himself to a bottle of water. Sid clears his throat to get Geno’s attention.

“Finally,” Geno says, smiling at Sid. “I think maybe you forget I am here.”

“Haha,” Sid deadpans. “Are you ready to leave?”

“Yes we go now,” Geno says, turning the television off and rising from his seat.

Once they’re out of the house, Geno unlocks his car and opens up the passenger side door, and helps Sid up into the car, waiting until Sid is settled in before closing the door and getting into the driver side.

“So, where are we going?” Sid asks once they’re on the road.

“My house,” Geno says.

“What’s so special about that?”

“My house always special Sid,” Geno says. “But today is even more special.”

“How so?”

“Is surprise.”

“Did you get more Penguin-themed furniture?” Sid asks, jokingly.

“No,” Geno answers, drawing out the ‘o’ playfully.

“Adopt another another dog?” Sid says. “A puppy maybe?”

“Jeffrey is old man,” Geno says. “Has no patience for puppy. Stop trying to guess, Sid. Let surprise be surprise.”

“Fine, then,” Sidney says, sighing in mock-defeat. “I guess I’ll just have to wait.”

“You already know,” Geno says, chancing a glance at Sid. “Who tell you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sidney says, and is repaid for his lie with a kick from his son. Sidney groans at the pressure, and Geno laughs at him.

“Even Colton know you are lying.”

“I didn’t mean to ruin your surprise,” Sid tells him.

“Is okay,” Geno says. “As long as you are not mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because you say you do not want a baby shower,” Geno answers.

“I really didn’t,” Sid says. “But, I’m not gonna be mad at you for putting in the effort. I actually appreciate it.”

“Good,” Geno says, reaching over and squeezing Sid’s hand where it’s resting on his belly. “Because it take lots of effort. And everyone know Nealer can’t keep a secret.”

“Nealer’s not the one who told me,” Sid says.

“I know,” Geno says. “Paulie make sure he keep his mouth shut.” Sid laughs at that.

The rest of the drive to Geno’s house passes in companionable silence. Geno keeps his hand in Sidney’s belly, rubbing soothing circles on it while he drives. Sid would normally complain about Geno driving one-handed, but the motion seems to keep Colton calm, so he stays quiet.

When they arrive at Geno’s, Sid is reminded of the day he told the team that he was pregnant, pulling up to Flower’s house and seeing the cars of all the team parked outside. It’s a similar scene, with a few more cars added to the mix, including one or two that he doesn’t recognize.

“Who’s all here, Geno?” Sid asks.

“Just the team,” Geno says, pulling into his driveway. “And maybe more surprises.”

Geno parks the car and tells Sid to wait as he crosses over to the passenger side, opening the door and helping Sid out of the car. He doesn’t let go of Sid’s hand even as he unlocks and opens his front door, leading him through the house to the backyard. Sid starts to tear up when he gets his first view of the backyard. It’s simply decorated, with only black, white and gold balloons and a white banner with gold letters spelling “Welcome Baby Colton” and cute little baby penguins drawn on.

What takes Sid’s breath away is the amount of people gathered in Geno’s backyard. All of the team and coaches are there, with wives or girlfriends, and children, as well as Duper and Kuni and their families. Mario and Nathalie are there, as well as their four adult children, including Lauren’s husband and infant son. More than them, though, are Jordy and Colby with their wives and kids, two former Penguins who are doing their own things now and would’ve had to make special arrangements to be here for Sid. And Sid’s parents and sister, who Sid knows all have their own schedules to keep, especially Taylor, who is still in college.

“You happy, Sid?” Geno asks, squeezing Sid’s hand.

“Yes,” Sid says softly. “Thank you so much, Geno.” Geno releases Sid’s hand, then, and wraps his arms around Sid’s shoulder, pulling Sid into him and squeezing him gently.

“Anytime, Sidney. Anything for you and the _malen’kiy pingvin_ ,” Geno says. “You ready to go out now.”

“Yeah,” Sidney says. “Yeah let’s go.”

***

The shower ends up being more of a backyard barbeque than an actual baby shower, and it’s one of the best days that Sid’s had since he’s been pregnant. He’s the center of attention in a way that he’s not used to when it comes to something other than hockey. His mother fusses over him and insists that he has another hamburger or more salad. He’s used to that, of course. But having all of his teammates and friends there congratulating him and wishing him luck on something that has nothing to do with a hockey game is a new, and utterly heartwarming experience. Sidney knew, of course, that when it came time for him to maybe get married and start a family that he would have the full support of his friends, but knowing is different from experiencing. He doesn’t blame it on the hormones when he starts to tear up a couple of times throughout the day.

It doesn’t escape Sidney that a big part of his satisfaction with the day has to do with Geno’s constant presence. He doesn’t deceive himself into thinking that Geno staying by his side as he mingles with the guests is just him being a good host. Geno is always there throughout the day, with his hand on the small of Sid’s back, guiding him wherever he wants to go, or leading him to a seat when Sid needs to sit down, bringing him a snack or a drink when he needs it. Sidney can’t help but feel the _rightness_ of Geno being with him throughout the day. The longer the day wore on, the more he realized that’s the way it should be: Geno by his side, doing things with him and for him and for their son.

Sid’s resolve to keep Geno in the dark has all but disappeared, and is tested even more during one of the rare moments that Geno has left his side, presumably to go check on something. Sidney is sitting alone on a lawn chair, enjoying a brief moment to himself when Mario approaches him with a glass of lemonade in hand.

“How are you feeling, Sid?” Mario asks, handing Sid the lemonade.

“Tired,” Sid says, accepting the lemonade and sipping, humming contentedly.

“I bet,” Mario says. “Been a long afternoon for you.”

“Yeah,” Sid agrees.

“Geno did all of this for you,” Mario says, matter-of-factly.

“I know,” Sidney says.

“He loves you, a lot.”

“I know,” Sidney repeats.

“You have to tell him.”

“I…,” Sidney starts, then pauses. “I think I’m going to.”

“You are?”

“It just feels right,” Sidney says.

“It _is_ right, Sidney,” Mario says.

“I know that. I mean more than morally,” Sid explains. “Me and him together like this, hosting a party, having a baby. It feels right. It feels good.”

“Yeah,” Mario says. “You guys look good together. You both look happier than I’ve maybe ever seen you.”

“That’s comforting,” Sid says, honestly, as Geno walks up to them.

“Here you are, Sid,” he says. “I look everywhere.”

“I was just having a chat with Mario,” Sidney tells him.

“Great party, Geno,” Mario says, patting Geno on the back. “You did good.”

“Thank you!” Geno says, beaming from the praise. “Is not over yet, though. Time for presents!”

“Presents?” Sid asks. “Geno they really didn’t have to get me anything, I could’ve gotten everything myself.”

“Don’t be silly, Sid,” Geno says, putting a hand out to help Sid up from his seat. “Is a baby shower, of course there are presents.” Sidney accepts Geno’s help up and allows himself to be led to a seat by the table where the cake and presents are set up. The majority of the party, save the children who are still running around enjoying themselves, are gathered around the table already.

Most of the gifts that Sidney receives are pretty generic, but are things that Sid would need and hasn’t quite gotten around to getting yet, like onesies and bibs and diapers. A lot of it is Penguins themed, which might seem cheesy, but Sidney loves them anyhow. Mario and Nathalie give him custom made Penguins jerseys in infant, toddler, and kids sizes, all with the name C. Crosby on the back, with the number nineteen for the year Colton will be born. Finally he gets to the presents from his family.

“I’ve been working on this for about a thousand years,” Taylor tells him, handing him a gift bag. “So you better like it.” Inside the bag is a blanket, crocheted with the Penguins colors.

“Taylor, oh my god,” Sid says, chuckling a little. “I didn’t even know you knew how to do this.”

“I didn’t,” Taylor says, a little shyly. “My roommate does, though, and I wanted to do something special. So, I asked her to teach me. I wanted to do an actual Penguin on it, but it was too hard.”

“I love it,” Sid tells her, beaming and gesturing for her to come and hug him. She does, and smacks a loud kiss on his cheek as well.

“Here you go, son,” Troy says, handing Sid another bag. “I don’t know how useful these will be, but, uh, you know, sentimental value, so…” Troy just lets the sentence trail off as Sid pulls out a pair of skates that maybe a three year old could fit, and a small, battered hockey stick.

“Dad, are these my…”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t realize you still had them.”

“Your mom thought it’d be nice to keep them around,” Troy says. “Like I said, I don’t know if they’ll do you any good when it comes time for Colton to learn to skate but, just in case, you know?”

“Yeah,” Sid says. “Yeah, thanks dad.”

“Last one’s from me, hun,” Trina says, handing him a third bag. Inside is what looks like a scrapbook, the cover is black white and gold because apparently Sid has no other interests (he doesn’t), and there’s a baby penguin with the number nineteen on it’s back, which means that his mother and Nathalie must have collaborated at least enough to agree that would be his son’s jersey number. “There’s not much in there,” Trina says, “only copies of the ultrasound pictures you’ve sent me over the months. It’ll be up to you to keep it up to date.”

“Thanks, mom,” Sid says, as she bends over and presses a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, all of you, so much for coming out here, especially those of you who don’t live out here anymore. I really appreciate it.” There’s a general chorus of “you’re welcome, Sid” and everyone starts to disperse, some to get more food or cake, others to gather their children and head for home.

“You still not get present from me, yet,” Geno says.

“This party is present enough, Geno,” Sid says. “You really didn’t have to get anything for me.”

“Well, I do it anyway,” Geno says, grabbing Sid’s hand and helping him out of his seat. “Come with me.”

Geno leads Sidney into his house and up the stairs. Once they get down the hall to the room right next door to Geno’s bedroom, Geno stops and faces Sid, looking nervous.

“You can open the door,” Geno says, and Sid does, his jaw dropping as he steps in the room.

Behind the door is a fully furnished, fully (Penguin) decorated nursey, complete with a changing table, crib, and rocking chair. There are pictures on the wall above the crib of both Sid and Geno raising the Cup, and also of them each with the Conn Smythe on opposite sides of the room. The walls are the standard off-white, but there’s a black moulding trimmed with gold on the walls.

“Geno, what…” Sidney starts. “What is this?”

“Is a nursery for Colton,” Geno answers, stepping in and standing next to Sid in the center in the room.

“I know, but, why?”

“Because, Sid,” Geno says. “Because I want him to have a room here. I want you to have a room here, with me. I know you say that we can’t be together, but I think maybe I not fight hard enough. I know I not Colton’s real papa, but I think maybe that doesn’t matter to me. I love you, Sidney, and I want us to raise him together. I want us to be a family.”

There it is, undeniable proof that Sid has been wrong all this time. He’s been wrong about Geno wanting to go back Russia, wrong that Geno would not want to be with him for the long run, wrong to keep this secret from him. Sidney sees the effects of just how foolish he’s been in the decoration of the nursery, in the party still going on in Geno’s, in what could be _their_ backyard, in the expectant, pleading look in Geno’s eyes. Sidney is going to spend the rest of his life making up for how idiotic he’s been this past year and he’s going to start now. He turns towards Geno, lifting a hand to rest on Geno’s cheek. His shifted center of gravity prevents him from going up on his tiptoes, but Geno gets the hint and bends over to press his lips to Sidney’s in the first kiss they’ve shared since that last night before training camp. Sidney wants more, wants to deepen the kiss, but Geno pulls away too soon.

“That mean yes?” Geno asks, smiling brightly.

“Yes, Geno,” Sid says. “Yes, I want this, too.”

“Good,” Geno says, leaning in for another kiss. It’s Sid who breaks this kiss, though.

“There’s something I need to tell you, first.”

“What is it?” Geno asks.

“I--,” Sid starts. “I haven’t been completely honest with you. About the baby.”

“What you mean?”

“There was no other man after we split up,” Sid confesses. Before Sid can go on, Geno backs out of their embrace, realization dawning on his face.

“Colton is my son?” Geno asks, his expression completely unreadable to Sid.

“Yes,” Sid answers, chancing a step in Geno’s direction. Geno, however, takes another step back.

“Why you lie, Sid?”

“I thought it was for the best.”

“How is it for the best?” Geno says, his voice wavering and raising in pitch. “How is it best that I don’t know I am the father?”

“Geno--”

“No, Sid,” Geno says, stepping still further away. “I do not understand. How is it best that you lie to me? That I spend months and months sad because I think you do not love me.”

“I do love you, though,” Sid says, forcing his way into Geno’s space. “Please believe that.”

“If you love me, then _why did you lie_?” Geno doesn’t back away from Sid this time, but he doesn’t lean into Sid the way that Sid wants him to.

“I thought it was best,” Sid repeats.

“Best for who, Sid?” Geno says. “Best for Colton not to know his papa? Best for you?”

“No, best for you!”

“Best for me? How is this best for me?”

“I just,” Sid starts. “I thought that you would want something more than what I could give you, that you would want to go back to Russia and be with your family once you retired.”

“You never ask me, Sid!”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Sidney says. “I really am. Please forgive me, Geno.”

“I--” Geno starts. “I don’t know, Sid. I think maybe you should leave.”

“Geno, please--”

“No, Sid,” Geno says. “I need to not see you right now.”

“Okay, Geno,” Sid says. “I’ll leave.”

As he’s walking towards the door to the hallway, though, Sid stops as a searing pain rips through his abdomen.

“Sid? What is wrong?”

Sid can’t respond, the pain is too much, but it’s gone almost as soon as it comes.

“Sid?” Geno says again, this time coming up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder and turning him around. “What’s the matter?”

“I think the baby is coming.”

***

It’s not as if the next few hours pass in a blur, Sid can recall everything that happens, it just happens as if he’s watching a video being fast-forwarded. Geno helps him down the stairs and into his car, while his mother calls ahead to the hospital, his father calls Dr. Little, and Mario sends Austin and Alexa along with Taylor back to their house to pack a bag for Sid. He remembers the drive to the hospital, remembers willing Geno to drive slower, promising that they’ll get there in plenty of time, all the while grimacing through the contractions that come.

For those hours it seems as if the bad parts of the conversation in the nursery never happened. Geno refuses to leave Sid’s side, even insists upon helping Sidney change into his hospital gown and helping him into the bed while they wait for Dr. Little to arrive. He holds Sid’s hand through his contractions, makes sure he has ice chips to chew on, and is just _there_ , which is probably more than Sid deserves.

“Hello, Sidney,” Dr. Little says cheerfully when she enters the room. “A little ahead of schedule, aren’t we?”

“Just a bit,” Sid says through clenched teeth. Geno reaches up wipes Sid’s brow with a towel, calling Dr. Little’s attention to him.

“And you’re Evgeni Malkin, if I’m not mistaken,” Dr. Little says.

“Yes, hello,” Geno says, nodding at the doctor but not making any move to get up from his seat.

“Okay, then. How far apart have your contractions been, Sid?” the doctor asks.

“At least ten minutes,” Geno answers for him.

“Well, looks like we better get you prepped for your cesarean or baby Colton will be making his way out on his own,” the doctor says. “And trust me, you do not want that.”

“Um, no,” Sid says, grimacing.

“I didn’t think so,” Dr. Little says, laughing. “I’ll get a nurse in here to get you prepped. Is, uh, is Mr. Malkin going to be joining us in the OR?”

“Yes,” Geno says without hesitation. Dr. Little looks to Sid for confirmation, and Sid just nods in assent.

“Alrighty then,” she says. “Mr. Malkin, I’ll have a nurse bring you scrubs to wear as well.” The doctor leaves them alone at that. Neither of them say anything while they wait for the nurse. Another contraction rips through Sid, so much more intense than the previous ones that Sid cries out. Geno just shushes him gently, consoling him and continuing to wipe his brow.

The nurse arrives shortly after, with scrubs in hand for Geno. Geno drops a kiss onto Sid’s forehead and seemingly reluctantly makes his way to bathroom to change.

The cesarean is weird for Sid. It’s not his first surgery by far, but it is the first one during which he is completely awake and lucid. There’s a small curtain hanging around his chest, so he really can’t see what the doctor and nurses are doing, but he can see them and he has a general idea of what’s going on. He can’t feel a thing either, which only adds to the weirdness.

As expected, Geno is there with him the entire time, which only ends up being about half an hour. There are no complications, and shortly after Dr. Little offers Geno the chance to cut the umbilical cord, which he takes, Sidney’s son is placed into his arms.

“Hi,” Sidney says, probably a little ridiculously, considering the child in his arms is screaming at the top of this lungs and wouldn’t be able to understand him anyway. Geno is at Sid’s side as he holds their son, and they both look down at him awestruck.

“I’m going to take him to get cleaned up now,” a nurse tells them. “Then we’re gonna get you closed up, okay Mr. Crosby?” Sid nods his head, but still only reluctantly hands the baby over to the nurse.

Geno, to Sid’s surprise, stays with him while he gets stitched, and even presses a hard kiss to his forehead before he’s wheeled out of the operating room.

***

Sidney wakes up several hours later to the voices of his parents talking softly. Neither of them seem to notice that he’s awake until he clears his throat.

“Oh you’re awake,” his mother says, turning towards him in the chair she’s sitting in. “How are you feeling, dear?”

“I’m fine,” Sid says. “Where’s Colton?”

“He’s in the nursery,” his father answers. “Geno and Taylor are watching over him.”

“When can I see him?”

“I’m sure a nurse will bring him here if you ask,” his mother says. “But before that, Sidney, why didn’t you tell us about Geno?”

Sidney sighs. “So, he told you guys.”

“He didn’t have to,” his father tells him.

“Well, he didn’t even know until today,” Sid says.

“That’s what we don’t understand, son,” Troy says. “Why would you try to keep this a secret from him? From us?”

“I really don’t want to get into it right now,” Sid says. “Can I see my son, please?”

“Of course, dear,” his mother says. “Troy, why don’t you go get the nurse?” After Sid’s father leaves the room, his mother moves the chair she’s in to his bedside and grabs his hand.

“I really don’t want to talk right now, mom.”

“I know you don’t,” Trina says, soothingly. “I’m just holding your hand.”

They sit silently for a few moments, his mother stroking his hand.

“I know I screwed up,” Sid says eventually.

“We’ve all made decisions that we think are best,” Trina says. “If you would’ve confided in me, or your father, or even Mario and Nathalie, we could’ve helped you see this wasn’t such a good one.”

“I did end up telling Mario,” Sid tells her. “By then it was too late, though. Geno probably wants nothing to do with me now.”

“He’s very upset, to be sure,” Trina says. “He’ll need time, but I know he’ll forgive you. He loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

“I wish I could be so sure,” Sid says. “He looked so hurt and betrayed when I told him.”

“Because he was hurt and betrayed. He’s not going to stay that way forever.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I know I am,” his mother says, smiling.

Just then the door opens and is held open by his father as a nurse wheels in a tiny bed with a bundle wrapped in blue laying within. Taylor and Geno follow them in, but Sid only has eyes for his son.

“You’ll want to be careful not to pull at your staples,” the nurse tells him, placing the bundle in his arms.

Sidney has heard many of his teammates and friends talk about the feeling you get when you hold your child for the first time, but hearing it told is absolutely nothing like the actual experience. It’s like the center of the entire universe has shifted and morphed into the tiny human in Sidney’s arms, like whatever plans or goals that Sid might have had for himself have disappeared and everything is just his son. Like Sid’s love of hockey stops being about himself and starts being something that he can one day share with his son, if he his son is ever willing to learn. Like playing hockey becomes more than him doing what he loves, becomes what he needs to do to support his son. He didn’t realize that he was ever capable of loving anything this fiercely, this quickly.

Sidney doesn’t know how long he spends staring at his son, but when he does finally look up, it’s to find that his parents and sister have left, leaving him alone in a room with just Colton and Geno. His family, he guesses. Though, he’s not entirely sure if Geno still wants that.

“Your mama and papa take Taylor to go get food,” Geno tells him. He’s sitting in the chair that Sidney’s mother occupied earlier, and Sid gets the impression that he’s been watching him instead of the television that’s been running this entire time.

“Oh,” Sid says. “Did you want to hold him?” he asks, holding Colton up to Geno, but Geno shakes his head.

“I hold him enough while you sleep,” Geno says. “Is your turn now.”

They sit in silence for a while, both of them staring at some game show while Colton sleeps soundly in Sid’s arms.

“Nurse say he is big baby for premature,” Geno says out of nowhere.

“Five weeks isn’t too early, is it?” Sid asks, suddenly worried. “There’s not anything wrong with him, right?”

“I tell you right away if there was,” Geno says, his jaw twitching in the way it does when he’s irritated.

“Geno…”

“No, Sid,” Geno says. “Not now.”

“When, then?”

“I don’t know, Sid,” Geno says. “I am still very angry, and very hurt.”

“I know, Geno, and I’m sorry,” Sid says.

“I said _not now_ ,” Geno says. “I do not want to hear you are sorry. Right now I do not care that you are sorry. ‘Sorry’ does not make up for what you did.”

“What do you want me to say, then?”

“Nothing,” Geno says, bluntly. “I want you to not say anything. Just look at Colton because he is the most beautiful baby, and say nothing.”

Sid figures it’s the least that he can do.

***

Sid’s parents and sister come back with food, but don’t stay long after they’ve all eaten. After they leave, the nurse comes and takes Colton back to the nursery, and Sid prepares to settle in for the night. It doesn’t take much since he’s pretty much bedridden by the staples in his stomach and his slowly healing body. He expects to spend the night alone, but is surprised when he comes back from the bathroom to see Geno dozing off on a bed that’s been pulled out of the sofa in the corner of the room.

“Those are common in maternity/paternity wards,” the nurse who’s attending to Sidney tells him, “since fathers typically want to spend the night.”

“Oh,” Sid says, then is struck by a thought. “Has the birth certificate been made yet? I haven’t been asked to sign anything yet.”

“We were waiting for you to confirm the spelling and such on your son’s name,” the nurse says, helping Sid back into bed.

“Who do I speak to about that?”

“I can leave a note for someone to come speak to you about it first thing in the morning.”

“I’d really appreciate it, thank you.”

Sid knows that Geno doesn’t want to speak to him right now, but they are going to be a family, and the best way for Geno to see that is if it’s on paper.

***

Sid wakes up the next morning to sounds of Geno cooing softly in Russian. He thinks that if he never woke up to anything else ever again, he could be okay with that, as cheesy as it sounds. He opens his eyes and sees Geno sitting in the same chair as last night feeding Colton a bottle, his face the softest that Sidney has seen it since before he went into labor. Geno doesn’t notice that Sidney’s awake, so Sid takes the opportunity to watch them together.

It’s obvious to Sidney that Geno is utterly taken by Colton, wrapped around his son’s one day old finger so thoroughly it would be impossible to loosen him. His voice doesn’t lose it’s usual depth when talking to Colton, but it takes on a sweetness that Sid has never heard in it before. Sid can’t understand what Geno is saying, but he’s certain that it’s the Russian equivalent of nonsensical baby talk. Watching Geno burp the tiny baby with his huge hands, Sidney is struck anew with the gravity of just what he was trying to keep from Geno, and even his seemingly noble intentions aren’t enough to drive away the guilt that washes over him.

“Good morning,” Sidney says, finally. Geno looks up at Sidney and nods his head in acknowledgement before turning his attention back to Colton. “Look, I know that you don’t want to talk to me, but please just hear me out.” Geno doesn’t look at Sid, but he doesn’t tell him to be quiet either, so Sid goes on. “I know you’re angry with me, and I deserve it, but I know you won’t be angry with me forever. We’re gonna be a family on the other side of this, Geno. I’m sure of it, and I want you to be sure of it, too.”

Geno says nothing, still, just keeps his eyes fixed on the bundle in his arms.

“I want Colton’s last name to reflect the fact that we’re a family,” Sid says.

“What you saying, Sid?” Geno asks, finally breaking his silence.

“I’m saying that I’m giving him your last name,” Sid answers. “I mean, I’m going to put both of our names together, but your’s will be last.”

“Okay,” is all Geno says.

“And I know that you like the name Colton, because you told me you did,” Sid says. “But he doesn’t have a middle name. So, I was thinking we could use the patronym.”

“Evgenievich,” Geno says without a second thought.

“Okay.”

When Sid and Geno finally sign the birth certificate, it reads Colton Evgenievich Crosby-Malkin, born April 6th, 2019.

***

Sid and Colton are kept in the hospital for a week as a precaution since Colton was born over a month premature. His parents go back to Cole Harbour, with the assurances that his mother will be back to help him settle in. Sid’s not sure entirely sure where he’ll be settling in, since everything with Geno fell apart. He, of course, wants to move in with Geno, but he doesn’t know if that offer is still on the table.

Geno is still there every night with them, even after the two of the games they play in the last week of the regular season, and every morning Sid wakes up to him cooing softly at their son. But Geno is still not talking to Sid, and Sid doesn’t want to bring up the living situation, afraid of how Geno would react.

The day they’re set to be released is awkward for Sid, since he still has no idea where to go. The night before had been the Penguins last game of the regular season and the one night that Geno did not spend in the room with Sid since the baby was born, and Sid wakes up that morning feeling pretty lonely.

Geno shows up, though. Sid is taken out to a pick up area in front of the hospital, Colton bundled up in his arms, and Geno is there already stepping out of what looks like a brand new Range Rover.

“New car?” Sid asks.

“Need new car, more reliable for Colton,” Geno says, lifting Colton from Sid’s arms and working on getting him situated in the car seat in the backseat.

“Do you need help with that, Mr. Malkin?” the nurse who brought them out asks.

“No, I practice,” Geno says, as he finally gets the last buckle locked in and the baby is secured.

The nurse holds a hand out to Sid as if to help him up, but backs away when Geno approaches with his own hand out. Sid accepts it and allows himself to helped to his feet and guided into the backseat next to Colton.

The drive to Geno’s, or their, Sid guesses, house is silent. Colton, having been freshly fed and changed, sleeps the whole way there, and Geno doesn’t seem any more interested in talking to Sidney than he has all week. Sid just fiddles with his phone, answering texts of congratulations from those who just found out about the baby.

When they arrive, Sidney’s mother is there, waiting for them on the porch. She’s at the door to the backseat as soon as Geno parks the car, fussing over Sid as she helps him out of the car and into the house.

“Welcome home,” his mom says, as they step inside.

“Mom…” Sid says, glancing behind him at Geno who is bring Colton in his carseat.

“What? It’s customary to welcome someone home when they’re bringing their child home for the first time.”

“Yes, I know but--” Sid starts nervously, as Geno moves past them towards the stairs. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be here,” he says once Geno is out of earshot.

“Well, how long do you want to be here?” his mom asks, guiding Sidney to the couch in the living room and settling down next to him once he’s sat.

“Right before I told him that Colton is his, he told me that he wants us to live here,” Sidney says. “And that’s that what I want. He’s still not speaking to me, though.”

“Really?” Trina says. “When we spoke there was no awkwardness, and he spoke as if it was assumed that you would be living here.”

“Yeah because he still wants Colton here, and I have to be with Colton.”

“You see, Sidney, I think this is how you got in this predicament in the first place,” his mother says.

“What do you mean?”

“You think you know Geno so well that you just go off your assumptions of what he wants without actually asking him what he wants,” she tells him.

“Mom, I--”

“No, listen,” she interrupts. “If you and Geno are going to have a successful relationship, and I mean for your sake, as much as for your son’s, then you’re going to have to communicate. You cannot keep thinking that you know what’s best all the time, because, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but, you don’t. Which I think has been proven to you already.”

“I--” Sid starts lamely. “You’re right.”

“I know I am,” she says, patting his hand. “Things are going to be rough for a while, but I really believe that Geno is in love with you, Sidney.”

“He’s not talking to me,” Sid says again.

“Oh, my love, if you think that I never went through extended periods of time when I did not want to even look at your father, you are sorely mistaken,” Trina says, laughing. “It happens in every relationship. I can almost assure that, the longer you and Geno are together, a time will come when the tables will turn, and you’ll be the one too upset to speak. It doesn’t last forever. You work through it, and things will be better on the other side.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?” Sid asks, trying not whine, but failing.

“Wait,” his mother says, simply.

Sid thinks he he owes Geno at least that much.

***

He really hopes he doesn’t have to wait much longer, though, as the regular season ends and playoffs begin.

Though he and Geno are sharing a home, they’re not sharing a room, a bed, and the hall between their two rooms feels like a chasm as wide as the Grand Canyon. Sid wants so badly to cross that distance, to be able to touch Geno again, to feel his arms around him in the same way he used to last summer.

Even with his mother there to help with cooking and cleaning while Sid’s body heals after Colton is born, the majority of the responsibility still falls on Sid to take care of Colton, to be up with him when he wakes up crying for a bottle and then refuses to go back to sleep for another two hours after. So Sid isn’t really sleeping much, and the sleep he does get is fitful. He feels he could probably be more comfortable if he and Geno were better, but he doesn’t see that happening anytime soon.

The playoffs are rough on any player, but Sid knows Geno, so he knows that with Sid out, Geno feels he has to carry the weight of the entire team on his shoulders. The Penguins barely make it out of the first round alive, and Sid can see the stress it’s putting on Geno to be better in the second round. Sidney wants to be supportive, wants to put his arms around Geno and tell him that he believes in him, because he does, because Geno is still one of the best players that Sid has ever known. He wants to kiss Geno and tell him that he loves him no matter what happens. He wants to reassure Geno, and to be reassured in return. It’s fear that Geno won’t return his sentiment that keeps Sid quiet.

“Just take the leap, Sid,” Colby says, when Sidney calls him to get things off his chest.

“My mom says I should give him time, though,” Sid says.

“You’ve given him time,” Colby says.

“Yeah but he hasn’t really been around, between playoff games and practices, and half the time he’s been on the road,” Sidney reminds him.

“Exactly,” Colby says.

“What do you mean?”

“Geno’s stressed out,” Colby says.

“I--”

“I know you know this already,” Colby interrupts, “but hear me out. He’s so stressed out about performing well that he’s not even considering his own feelings. He’s probably just as starved for the affection as you are, but he’s not gonna ask for it because it’s a sign of weakness in a time when he can’t show any at all. One thing Melissa has always been good at is knowing when I needed her to just be there without me actually saying so.”

“Yeah but I’m not his wife, or husband, I guess,” Sidney says, sulkily. “I’m not his anything.”

“Yes, you are, Sid, don’t be ridiculous,” Colby says. “And you guys are going to be impossible when you start playing again, and the stress of playoffs gets to the both of you. Until then, though, you are his partner in the same way that Melissa is mine, so you need to be there for him. Speak up, Sid, because he’s not gonna do it for himself.”

“I don’t want to force it.”

“You’ll just keep being miserable otherwise.”

“I’m trying to be selfless or something,” Sidney says.

“This is just as much for him as it is for you,” Colby says. “Trust me.”

That night Sid watches as the team fights to prevent the series from getting away from them. Geno is interviewed in the postgame and he just looks so tired, so worn down, and Sid realizes that Colby is right.

He gets some sleep, but not much as Colton wakes him up about two hours after he puts him down, and is awake to hear Geno come in the door just before sunrise. He makes sure that Colton is settled again before going downstairs to meet Geno.

He finds Geno in the kitchen, bracing himself with his arms on the island and breathing deeply, almost like he’s fallen asleep standing up. Sidney approaches him, coming to stand next to him and tentatively places a hand on Geno’s arm. Geno opens his eyes and gives Sid a sleepy smile, the first time he’s smiled at Sid in almost a month.

“Hi, Sid,” Geno says, sleepily.

“Hi,” Sid says, smiling back at Geno. “You played well tonight.”

“Thank you,” Geno says. “Live to fight again next time.”

“Yeah,” Sid says, chuckling softly.

“Is Colton sleeping?” Geno asks.

“Yes, I just got him to go back down.”

“Okay,” Geno says. “I think I go see him before I sleep.”

“Okay,” Sid says, but as Geno starts to move away, Sid keeps his hand on Geno’s arm.

“You need something, Sid?”

“No, I just,” Sid starts, before leaning up and catching Geno’s lips in a quick kiss. “I just really miss you.”

“I right here, Sid,” Geno says, smiling. “I still right here.”

“I know you are,” Sid tells him. “I just want to make sure you know that I’m still here, too.”

“Is good to know,” Geno says, leaning in and kissing Sid this time. “Come on, Sid.”

Sid goes with Geno as he quietly opens the door to Colton’s nursery and watches as Geno leans in to press a light kiss to the top of his head. When they walk out of the nursery, Sid makes to go left towards the guestroom he’s been sleeping in, but Geno makes a noise of displeasure and reaches out to grab Sid’s arm, tugging him in the direction of his bedroom. Sid goes with Geno to the bedroom, and watches as Geno undresses and gets ready for bed.

When they both finally get into bed, Geno closes the space between them, pulling Sidney into his arms and kisses him lightly, sweetly, on the back of his neck.

It’s enough, for now.

***

It’s not that things get easier, but they do get better.

Sid feels free to touch Geno again, to kiss him, and gets the reassurance of being kissed back, of being held by Geno on the rare occasions that they get to sleep at the same time.

They still haven’t really talked, but that’s one issue that Sid isn’t going to force. He knows now that, though he may not be completely forgiven, he will be eventually. He knows that Geno still loves him, and that’s really all that matters when it comes down to it.

The Penguins eventually get eliminated, and it’s as rough as it usually is. Sid’s watched from the sidelines as his team has gotten eliminated before, has been their captain and made his rounds of consolation and reassurance that he’s proud of his team and what they’ve accomplished. This is the first time, though, that he’s had to play the part of the partner waiting at home, and he has no idea what to expect or how to act. He doesn’t want to do or say the wrong thing.

He settles on doing nothing, and that ends up being the best choice.

He and Colton are still awake, lounging on the couch, when Geno returns home at around midnight. Sid had given up on NHL Tonight about fifteen minutes in and had long since switched to the comfort of HGTV. They’re watching a House Hunters rerun when Geno finds them, dropping his things on the floor and joining them on the sofa. Geno doesn’t say anything, and Sid follows suit, cuddling up to Geno’s side when Geno puts his arm around him. They sit silently as one episode turns into two, then three. Colton is asleep by the time Property Brothers comes on, and Sid is feeling comfortable enough in Geno’s arms that he dozes off as well.

Eventually he feels Geno shift next to him and wakes up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, but it’s not for too long because Property Brothers is still on when his eyes drift open.

“Sorry I wake you,” Geno says, standing up and lifting Colton from Sid’s arms. “Just gonna put Colton in his bed. I come back.”

When Geno comes back, he settles back down next to Sid and wraps him in his arms, kissing his temple. “I am sorry, Sid.”

“For what?” Sidney asks, confused.

“For,” Geno starts, then pauses, face scrunching up in the way it does when he’s trying to figure out how to say what he needs to say. “For not saying ‘I love you’ even when I am mad.”

“Geno, you don’t have to apologize.”

“I do,” Geno says. “You already say you sorry a hundred times, now is my turn. I was so mad at you but I was also happy to be Colton’s papa, and I forget to say I am happy, too. I made you not be sure that I love you, and so I am sorry. You should always be sure.”

Sid really doesn’t know what to say, so he just kisses Geno full on the lips, opening his mouth and accepting Geno’s tongue to make the kiss even deeper. The angle is a little off, so Geno pulls Sid until he’s on his lap, straddling his hips with his ass on Geno’s crotch. Sid feels the beginnings of Geno’s erection against his ass and can’t help but grind down. Geno moans into Sid’s mouth, encouraging Sid to continue grinding on him until he can feel that Geno is fully hard and straining against his pants.

Sid pulls away from Geno’s mouth, moving to kiss down his jaw then suck a bruise onto Geno’s neck. Once he’s satisfied that he’s left his mark, Sid climbs off of Geno’s lap and drops carefully down on to his knees between Geno’s legs, sucking on the outline of Geno’s dick through his trousers, teasing him until Geno’s bucking his hips, his body begging for more even though he’s silent.

Sid eventually takes mercy on him, mostly because he’s just as anxious to taste Geno again as Geno is to have his dick in the mouth he enjoys so much. Sid can’t help but admire Geno’s cock once he frees it from the pants and underwear that were holding it down. It’s not like he’d forgotten how big Geno is, but memory does no justice to the real thing and Sid is hungry for it, more so than even he knew that he was until that moment.

Wrapping his hand around the base of Geno’s shaft, Sid sucks the head into his mouth eagerly, savoring the taste of Geno, the smell of him. He works the head with his tongue for a bit, still teasing until Geno starts bucking his hips up again. Sid doesn’t stop him, just holds still, allowing Geno to fuck his mouth, with his hands gripping tightly in Sid’s hair. Geno remembers how much Sid can take, and gives him just enough that Sid isn’t quite gagging on it but still feels it in his throat.

He lets Geno have his way with him like that until Geno’s cock starts to pulse. Sid swallows what he can before pulling off and allowing the rest of Geno’s come spill out onto his chin. Geno pulls Sid back up onto his lap, licking his own come off of Sid’s face, then kisses Sid so that Sid is almost overwhelmed with the taste of him.

Later that night, Geno returns the favor, holding Sid down on their bed and sucking him down to his base until he comes down Geno’s throat. When they’re about to doze off, Sid turns in Geno’s arms and kisses him lightly on the lips.

“Hmm?” Geno moans, sleepily.

“I love you,” Sid tells him. “I didn’t say it earlier.”

“I know, Sid,” Geno says. “Sleep now.”

Sid turns back around and is about to settle in when the cries of their son come through the baby monitor on the nightstand.

He smiles as he extracts himself from Geno’s hold and doesn’t stop even as he’s changing a stinky diaper. He’s still smiling as he feeds Colton, and then still as he settles down in the rocking chair that Geno bought in the nursery that Geno designed.

Sid has done some pretty foolish things in his life, and he knows that trying to keep Geno, trying to keep _himself_ , from having this will result among the worst of them. He feels incredibly lucky that he has people in his life, that he has Mario and his mother and Colby, to be there to help him when he’s too far in his own head to see the error of his ways. He’s not sure how far this would have gone had it not been for them helping him essentially pull his head out of his ass, but he’s glad that he’ll never have to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> If Google Translate is to be believed, 'malen'kiy pingvin' means 'little penguin.' I just couldn't resist that being Sid's baby's nickname.
> 
> And if I named Sid's son after Colton Haynes from Teen Wolf/Arrow, it's only because he tweeted just as I was trying to decide what to name the baby.


End file.
